Wordless Wednesday: My Gifts from God

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. ~Psalm 127:3

AMEN!

This post is linked to Wordless Wednesday

Top Ten Tuesday: Treasures in Scripture

At our church this week, we are approaching the 'summit'. Actually we are going to be having the annual summit meetings, in which a guest speaker comes and we have church services each evening of the week, Sunday through Thursday. It is a time for revival and being refreshed in the Holy Spirit, and I really enjoyed it last year and look forward to it next week. There are usually very dramatic messages that are truly convicting to me, which is just what I need right now. I have been feeling very unsettled, there has been a lot going on in our household, too much to truly explain. So as I pray this week for the meetings, and look to the Lord's Word for peace, here are some of the treasures He has given me to truly apply to my own life recently:

1. "...[Love] does not take into account a wrong suffered..." ~1 Corinthians 12:5b, I shared about this particular topic not long ago. I am still working on it though. My scope has widened though, and I am reminded of it as I sit in traffic, fuming over the car who cut me off, or as yet again my husband has gotten called into work on his day off. I don't get to pick who I practice love towards, and God makes it easy to remember- EVERYONE, even those who may make it difficult for me.

2. "..for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~Matthew 6:21, this has always been one of those verses for me that gets me every time I read it. What am I holding as treasure- money, my home, my hobbies, or most importantly, God? Is He my treasure above all else, or am I more focused on the things that will eventually pass away? I know where I want my heart to be, on the things of Heaven that please God.

3. "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo. I am with you always, even to the end of the age." ~Jesus, Matthew 28:19-20, A few weeks ago, while praying for the summit meetings with some other ladies, the first question they asked as we prepared to bow our hearts and heads, was "Who are you going to invite?" and I was caught completely off guard. In my defense, it was still weeks away, and had only been announced the week before, but I hadn't really thought about it. And God used that moment, to make me realize I need to always be thinking about it, I should be constantly inviting others to church. We are commanded to go out and share the Gospel, the very least I could be doing is actively and regularly inviting others to join me at church on Sunday, and it wouldn't even take much effort on my part!

4. "Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her..." ~ Proverbs 31:28, I am constantly striving to be a better wife and mother. Although my husband has been acknowledging my efforts much more recently, I still know there is more I could be doing, I should be doing for both him and my children. I don't think I will ever rest from striving to be the Proverbs 31 woman, just as I will always strive to further and better serve the Lord- there is just no end to those tasks while we are on this earth!

5. "Do not fret because of evildoers, Be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass and fade like the green herb..." Psalm 37:1-2, Just as in 1 Corinthians 12 (see #1), I am called to not only forgive and love someone who has wronged me, but not be envious of them either! How hard is that?! If I feel wronged, the last things I want to do are love that person or to let it go. I want to hold onto it and find a way to repay them which I believe is rooted in being envious, jealous, of their power, position, or something they have that I do not. And yet God tells me I am to let it go, and love them. Definitely something the Lord continues to show me as He works in my heart.

6. "A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind." ~Proverbs 18:2, We shouldn't only be interested in sharing our own opinion, but also willing to listen to others to find understanding and wisdom. As a very opinionated person, this is something I always need to remember, it isn't just about me sharing my thoughts, but also about understanding those of others, so that I can see from all sides and perspectives (which is why I will always encourage comments and ask for your opinions as well). I sure don't want to be that fool!!

7. "Rejoice always..." 1 Thessalonians 5:16, Did you hear that? ALWAYS, we are to always rejoice as Christian believers. Not complain, grumble, or whine, but rejoice!! I think many of us have a habit of seeing the negative things as we struggle or stumble through them in life, but God commands us to be always rejoicing. I believe it was last year's speaker at the summit meetings who put it something like this- what truly is the worst thing that could happen to you? You lose your job, lose your family (on this earth at least), and have to live under a bridge where maybe you get very sick and you die- but then you get to go to your Heavenly home, and what is not to rejoice about there?!! In the end, the worst thing that can come for us as believers is the physical death, but what a wondrous occasion it will be to go be with God in heaven, so truly we have nothing to whine about, do we?!

8. "...Pray without ceasing..." ~1 Thessalonians 5:17, This is another part of the above verse, another command from God. I thought both deserved their own number on my list because they truly are so important, but also very overlooked in our day to day lives. At our church's ladies night this past week, one of the things the pastor's wife touched on, was that if we are all being completely honest with ourselves and God (because lets face it, He already knows), we could all do better in terms of our prayer life. Note this passage- we are to pray without ceasing, it should be continual, and just a part of who we are to be in constant communication with God. I know I can always improve in this area- one way that has helped me recently is carrying a prayer journal with me in my purse and pull it out whenever I hear something I need to remember to pray for- also just stopping to pray for it right away before the opportunity to forget arises at all!

9. "A friend loves at all times..." ~Proverbs 17:17a, I have often taken advantage of this verse, I have many friends who have seen me at my worse and still loved me through it all. But do I remember to love all my friends with that same attitude? I hope I do! I like to think I will, not much has come to test me in this, but it is often something I try to keep in my heart. So that I may remember, if any circumstance comes up that is less then easy to deal with, I may be a friend in times or difficulty as much as in times of joy.

10. "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made....Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." ~Psalm 139:13-14a,16, I watched a moving testimony of a woman who was an abortion survivor. She survived a horrible abortion procedure in which saline is injected into the womb for the purpose of burning the baby and killing it, before inducing labor (late term abortion), and she was born alive still!! Now she knows the Lord and His purposes for her and she shares her story. I have always loved these verses, and I try to apply them to my own life, to remember God has a purpose and a plan for each one of us. He is in control, He will sustain us, just as He sustained that little baby girl who was unwanted by her own mother, she survived only through God's powerful hand intervening in man's cruel plans. (Her name was Gianna Jessen if you want to goggle her, to hear her story!)

I hope somewhere among those verses, God has touched your heart.
This post is linked to

Are You More Popular than Christ?

Jesus was not very popular.

Now the men who were holding Jesus in custody were mocking Him and beating Him, and they blindfolded Him, saying, "Prophesy, who is the one who hit You?" And they were saying many other things against Him, blaspheming. ~Luke 22:63-65

He didn't take the easy road or follow the crowd.

Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?" But when Jesus heard this, He said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire compassion, and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." ~Matthew 9:10-13

And He is to be our example.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. ~Ephesians 5:1-2

We should be walking in His footsteps.

And He [Jesus] summoned the crowd with His disciples, and said to them, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." ~Mark 8:34

Not trying to be popular so the world will like us, but being set apart so the world can see a difference in us, as children of God.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. ~Romans 12:1-2

Do you look more like the world, with its popularity, doing what's easy? Or are you different, even unpopular, for NOT following the crowd?

A Clear and Familiar Voice

Lately I have been hearing God speak much more clearly to me. It has been so refreshing and I keep thinking, why haven't I heard Him this often before?

He is everywhere. He is in every little crevice of my life, encouraging me, guiding me, loving me.

Just the other day, I was feeling down. I felt like I would never have the opportunity to truly grow my friendships, that have lasted bordering the acquaintance/true friend line for over a year now, in fact almost 2 in some cases. I have often wondered why my children don't seem to get invited to many other kid's parties or gatherings. But I had to realize, I bring it on myself. I can get so caught up on whats easy, staying at home, adhering to nap times that could really be more flexible, or worrying about the kids behavior. These all are great reasons to stay home, but they are also poor excuses to never get out.

(Sometimes I do forget that though I enjoy hanging out around the house well enough, I have a 4 year old full of energy who just wants to be a kid and have fun, preferably with other kids just as silly as her!)

I am normally a planner, but I could not ignore a phone call from a friend one morning after a lonely evening the day before. She wanted to give me a ride to a play date. My number one excuse, I don't have a car, blown completely away. And as I considered her offer, my mind instantly came up with a list of other reasons I shouldn't go; my stomach had been hurting since I woke up; I haven't showered yet, nor had I quite gotten the kids fully dressed and ready for the day; Zachary would need a nap soon and surely without his nap, or sometimes even with it, he can get pretty cranky when we go out; and then my usual excuse since this is sometimes an outdoors adventure- it is way to hot on Guam, and I hate being sweaty! But I also heard God speaking to me about even this 'little' opportunity. How could I be upset and complain about not being as welcomed into circles of friendship if I turned down every chance I got to spend time with these ladies? How can I let inconveniences ruin my opportunity to grow friendships with good, Godly woman who I admire? So I said yes! And though it did feel inconvenient at times with a mildly cranky toddler, it was well worth the time to talk and enjoy watching the children play together. Natalie needed it too, it is good for her to get a little time to socialize since her best friend (and neighbor) has recently moved away.

(Remember kids are 100% washable! I had to keep reminding myself of that as the dirt clung to Zachary's every inch...its easier for me to keep in mind when they are a little bit older and have a better sense of it themselves. For example, not sticking your filthy hands into your mouth! Zachary had his first taste of actual dirt!)

And during the fellowship I received the answer to my first question, why haven't I heard God speak so clearly before? Because I am constantly growing closer to Him, and the more I do, the more loudly He speaks, and the more familiar I become to His voice. It is a wonderful feeling to constantly be able to listen to His direction and know I am following in His will as He shares it with me, whether it is something that may seem trivial, such as whether or not to go to a play date. Or something huge, like whether or not we should extend on our time on Guam. Life may not always be perfect, but if I am following in His will, I know my life will have that bigger purpose that I so long for, as well as peace, even in the storms.

How clearly does God speak to you? Only in nearness with God will you find true purpose and everlasting peace.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~Romans 8:8a

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. ~1 Corinthians 2:12-13

I Will Meet You in Heaven Someday

Loss of any kind is difficult. It isn't something most can anticipate, and it is often hard to accept, especially when the wounds are still fresh.

Although my family picture only has 4 individuals in it, we are actually a family of 6. Two of my precious children went to meet the Lord before I even got a chance to meet them.

Jon and I had tried for about 8 months before conceiving our first child. That baby would have been due around July 10, 2005. I have tried to match a reason to my loss, but that early, there is just no way of knowing for certain. Was it the drive Jon and I made at 9 weeks, from one side of the country to the other? It was a stressful time, those days were the first I had ever been away from my home without the intention of soon returning. Still nothing happened to indicate any problems until 12 weeks, when some spotting and a panicked trip to the ER resulted in the tragic news that I would not be meeting my first baby here on this earth. What made it more difficult was the month that followed as I literally went through the birth pains as my body did what it was intended to in this situation. I wish there had been a way to know if I had a little boy or girl then. I wish I could've named them and given them a proper goodbye, but for some reason, the world doesn't hold these very young ones as actual babies, little souls once alive inside of their mommies. But I know I will meet this little one again someday in my heavenly home.
About three months later, I discovered I was pregnant with my Natalie, and a year after first feeling what birth pains were, I had my second baby in my arms.

I also want to share, I don't believe it is ever to early to share the news of a pregnancy with your friends and family. When I first discovered I was pregnant with my little one, I immediately shared our joyful news with our entire church, and much to the surprise of some, I was only 5 weeks along. I was told I should wait to tell others until I had 'made it through' the first trimester in case I lost the baby. Well I did lose that precious little one, but just as my friends rejoiced with me in the news of the pregnancy, they also were there to mourn with me the loss of my baby. If I hadn't shared, then no one would've known to pray for me. No one would've known to comfort and encourage me in my time of sadness. I have no regrets about sharing my news early.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ~Romans 12:15

It was the week of Thanksgiving, and I started it with much gladness. On a whim I bought a pregnancy test on my way into work. I wasn't really late yet, but somehow I just felt like something was different. We weren't trying, though we weren't actively trying to prevent anything. Jon and Natalie were with me. It was a Monday night, and I was working childcare while Jon went to a men's bible study group. Before I clocked in, I ran to the bathroom with my digital test- I didn't want any questions in my mind, just a 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant' reading very clearly displayed in words. After a few minutes I emerged and gave Jon the exciting news before sharing it with my boss and good friend Angela. I was overjoyed, around July 26, 2008, I would have another little baby to call my own. Despite my first miscarriage, and careful concern while first pregnant with Natalie, I thought miscarrying was behind me, but I was wrong. I spent one night sharing the good news with all my friends and family back home, only to have to place the calls again with tears barely a week later. Thanksgiving day I began spotting, and spent most of the afternoon and early evening in the ER. All the doctors could tell me, despite a pregnancy test done at the clinic the day before confirming my pregnancy, was that now all tests were coming back inconclusive as to whether I was even pregnant or not. My heart fell, and given my experience, my hope was snuffed out. Sure enough over the long weekend, it was confirmed by my own body, which I felt betrayed by, that I was losing my third child. And though I realize now that I will still meet them someday in heaven, during my time of grief, I was not comforted by it because I still did not understand why once again I had lost my baby. Because God's ways are not our ways, and we can't always understand or see what good can come of it. That's when faith comes in.
And sure enough 7 months later, when we had committed to not trying to get pregnant in anticipation of our big move to Guam, God surprised us with a wonderful gift, in the form of a 4th pregnancy, my little boy, Zachary. And though I feared another miscarriage under the stress of another military move, this time overseas, Zachary stayed right where he belonged during our travels which happened again around 9 weeks along, all the way until well past his due date.

I still don't understand God's ways in the loss I suffered. But I do realize I wouldn't have either Natalie or Zachary if God hadn't called my other babies home so early. And I hope that maybe somehow, by sharing what I have been through it might bring peace and comfort to others who have suffered this type of loss as well. It is never easy to lose a child, no matter how early. Pregnancy is a time of rejoicing in a new life about to enter this world, and no one expects to have that cut short so quickly. But if we remember to look to God, and find our comfort in Him, knowing His plans for us are bigger then our own, we can find peace in our grief.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~Jesus, Matthew 5:4

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:8-9

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When Life Isn't Fair

Even when it is something I don't necessarily want to hear, I just love it when God so obviously is speaking to me through whatever means available.

Let me explain a little background info: My sister announced last June she was getting married. Of course I want to go, but along the way we have hit more then one bump in the road. In fact it has seemed more like a roller coaster ride then a bumpy road, trying to get my husband's leave approved (he is military, and nothing about being in the military is ever simple!). It isn't a matter of being told 'no' though, just 'wait' and then 'wait' again. We have jumped through many hoops trying to get it through, and there are many complicated reasons we have had problems, most of which were out of our hands, and to me, very unfair. Our biggest issue is time and money, it is expensive to leave the island, and we need to buy tickets in advance, as well as order me a bridesmaid dress if I will be able to get there. The whole thing has dragged out for over a month now for us, and I haven't felt any peace throughout the whole thing!

My husband feels defeated, and he just wants me to let it go and wait more, but I feel wronged. I want to call up his chain of command and say "That's NOT fair!" I want to find a way for 'justice' to be done, the kind of justice when I get my way, and the person unjustly standing in my path gets reprimanded.

And then today, I was looking through the new posts of the blogs I follow when I came across a post titled Why not just be wronged?. At first, I did not want to click on it. I didn't want to hear that I should just accept what has happened and let it go. After all my anger and frustration are justified, this just shouldn't be happening to us.

But I could not deny God His chance to speak to me through this blog. It was obvious, this was for me.

Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? ~ 1 Corinthians 6:7b

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgement as the noonday. Rest int he Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way... ~Psalm 37:5-7b

It isn't easy to accept, but sometimes we will be wronged, even as Christians. Even the world has their own way of saying it- Life isn't fair. Ultimately though God's justice will prevail, and that is what matters. I am not the judge, I am not the one who should seek punishment and reprimand for those who I feel are against me or have wronged me. Sometimes we need to just let it go, instead of having it fester in our hearts, creating an infection that can spread to other parts of our lives. If we want to be healthy in our walk with the Lord, it is important to let go and move on, even if we are being wronged. God is in control and He will work everything out for good, for His will.

As for the wedding, I hope I am able to go. But ultimately God knows best and He is in control. Even if I don't like the answer, just remembering He is the one in control, brings me peace. I was just struggling with keeping that in mind because in my heart I didn't want the answer to be no, or even wait. I wanted to be the one behind the wheel, but I am reminded once again, that God is the better driver when it comes to my life. For now I will just continue to pray that everything falls into place, and we are able to go, whatever the answer may be.

(And if you haven't already, I seriously encourage you to check out Mary DeMuth's post. Maybe you will also get something from it!)

The Great Debate: Why Not Build a Mosque?

First of all, I really don't like to speak on politics and whatnot because my intent is not to stir up anger in issues that many get very passionate about. On this occasion though I felt convicted about it since I recently changed my opinion on the matter, and I see so many of my friends adamantly against this. So here is my opinion on the subject of a mosque at Ground Zero.

I realize I am about to join a minority here, but after a friend challenged my ignorant views about this issue, I have decided to change my opinion. There has been a very heated debate going on about the proposed mosque at Ground Zero. On Facebook I see many friends who proudly oppose this outrageous attack on 9/11 victims and their families, and I in fact at one point agreed. This was before I found out the real facts and God has been convicting me since to humbly change the side I had chosen. I was quite resistant at first, battling it out inside my own mind, coming up with excuse after excuse for how wrong it is that they would even think to put in this symbol of Islam on an American landmark that represents the terror we suffered at the hands of radical Muslims. But I began to realize the arguments against it just didn't seem to stand on as firm ground as I once thought. They were built on emotional foundations of fear and anger.
It is easy to say it would be un-Patriotic to build this mosque, and find it insulting that Muslims want to have this particular site, but despite that, even if it was some sort of Islamic symbol of their 'triumph' over the U.S. (I use the word triumph only to display how some believe the Islamic community may view it- I do not believe in any way it was a triumph over us), a symbol only has the power we may find in it. While I don't think this is the case, if the Muslims did want this mosque as a tribute to their 'triumph' on 9/11, let them have it. As Americans we need to move beyond the fear and pain we still cling to from 9/11. It will never be forgotten, but this controversial mosque is only going to serve as a symbol of defeat if we chose to let it. It doesn't change what happened that day or what will happen in the future. But by being almost afraid to let it be built simply because of what Islam could be viewing it as only gives gratification to it. If someone teases me and makes fun of how I look or act or what I believe, ultimately if I ignore them then their mocking is useless. Didn't your parents ever tell you that? Aside from that though, I think the facts of the matter speak even clearer as to why their is little reason to even debate this issue.
Did you know that the mosque is actually being built just over 2 blocks away from the actual site of Ground Zero? And the land has already been purchased and was being used as a worship place for Islam, long before this became a heated issue? In our economy today, it would be ridiculous to expect the owners behind the mosque to try to sell it and pick a new location. And it isn't the only thing in that area, there are strip clubs and other morally wrong businesses even closer to Ground Zero. And if 2 blocks still isn't far enough away, how far is acceptable? Where do we draw the line?
Did you know there is already a mosque that was established in that area before 9/11? No one has asked that this other mosque be torn down.
Did you know that a chapel was built just outside the Pentagon that holds a number of services affiliated many different religions, including Islam? No one ever opposed this, yet the Pentagon was also struck by a plane on that fateful day in history.
Do you realize we are taking out the acts of a handful of radical Muslims on the entire Islam community? As a Christian, I know I wouldn't want people to judge me on the acts of some radical groups and churches that also claim the title of Christian. I find it absolutely heartbreaking that people who claim to be followers of Christ could stand outside of funeral homes were a soldier's life is being honored and mourned with protest signs proclaiming hatred in the name of God. But the reality is that they have the right to practice whichever beliefs they chose, we all do as Americans.
Part of what has made America a nation set apart is the freedoms it offers. Freedoms that allow us to practice any religion we want- even Islam. This is what it ultimately comes down to. Freedom of religion. No matter how much I think mine is the 'right' religion, no matter how much it may seem disrespectful to some that this mosque be so close to Ground Zero, no matter what they may practice within its walls, the freedom is theirs to choose as citizens of the United States of America.
You may call me un-Patriotic as now I am among the few who do not oppose this new mosque at Ground Zero, but I am the wife of a sailor, I pray to the same God the founders of this great nation looked too when they were being persecuted for their own beliefs. And though I am not saying I am for having this mosque or religious center built, I just think if we all look closely at the issue, legally, morally, there really isn't a very strong argument against it. I respect those who oppose it though, many of my own friends do. But if you take a closer look, is there really very much to debate?

God tells us to love everyone, and that too isn't limited to the color of their skin, the religion they practice, or what country they may come from. We are called to love even those who would seem unlovable through our own sin stained glasses, even if they have hurt us in the past.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." ~Jesus, John 13:34

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." ~Jesus, Matthew 5:44

Remember this is just my opinion, which I have the freedom to express just as you do your own. Feel free to share any other arguments for either side in the comments, but as always keep it clean and respectful. Thank you.

Resources:
CBS News
Forbes
Forbes
Yahoo News
Examiner.com

Do You Eat Daily?

I don't know about everyone else, but I have grown quite accustomed to eating multiple times a day, every day. Sure occasionally, I will go without much or anything to eat for a whole day, and you how I feel by bedtime? Weak, tired, exhausted, I have a short temper and become agitated and aggravated by every little thing. It does not feel good to be that hungry.

And yet sometimes, that's exactly how I let myself get when it comes to fellowship with God.

I guess it should be of little surprise to me that Sunday is my favorite day of the week, followed by Wednesdays. Those are the days I regularly spend a great portion of my time with God, in prayer, in worship, in fellowship. I am focused on Him for the better half of Sunday, and I spend most of the day Wednesday looking forward to the chance to go to church and be with others in study of His word and in prayer to Him.

Just as I get physically weak when I go without food for an entire day, I also get spiritually weak when I try to make it through my week only sustained on fellowship with God for two of the seven days! Just as Dr. Vaughn said at church recently- you wouldn't try to eat all you can for the week in just one or two days?! So why then do we seek to get all our spiritual sustenance all at once for the week and not touch our bible as it gathers dust for the other five-six days? Why don't we seek Him and talk to Him daily just as we eat three meals a day?

We need to not only physically satisfy our hunger daily, but spiritually as well. God desires a fellowship with us every single day, and that will bring us closer to Him and further from the world.

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Notice how Paul doesn't mention taking a break in there? Instead he says to always rejoice, not just on Sundays. Pray without ceasing, not pray only on Sundays. In everything give thanks, not be grateful at least on Sundays.

And just as food gives us strength to carry out our daily tasks and work, so the time we spend with God, in the word and in prayer, strengthens us for the daily spiritual battle that is constantly raging even within our own homes.

Therefore, take up the full armor of God. so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints... ~ Ephesians 6:13-18

WOW! What imagery this creates!! We need to be constantly alert because we are in a spiritual battle, and I am sure you can ask many of the men and women over in Iraq- in a battle, you don't get to just take a few days off!! You need to keep yourself strong and prepared always because you never know what is going to come your way next. It is the same in this spiritual battle, we need to be walking with God always, so that He may give us the wisdom and strength to make it through!

Would you go into a battle hungry?

It's Not Enough

It's not enough.

Going to church every Sunday & Wednesday is not enough. Surrounding yourself with good Christian friends is not enough. Tithing regularly is not enough. Blessing your food before you eat is not enough. Doing daily devotionals is not enough.

God is not just a routine. Jesus is not just someone we sing pretty songs about. The Holy Spirit is not just a feeling. Being a Christian is not just being a part of a church.

If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. ~James 1:26-27

There is so much more that we often miss. God wants to be so much more in our lives. Jesus wants to do so much more through our lives. The Holy Spirit wants to dwell within our lives.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~James 4:7-8a

Nothing should come before Him. Nothing should distract us from Him. Nothing should hold our hearts above Him. Or something is wrong.

If we are redeemed we are called to be apart from this world. Our life is no longer our own, it is His. And we need to remember that.

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. ~1 John 2:15-17

You don't just represent yourself, or even your biological family anymore. You represent the church family. You represent Him.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. ~Ephesians 2:10

This is something we all struggle with at times. We are selfish, sinful people by nature, but we need to overcome our sin. Just as Jesus overcame death.

"O Death, Where is your victory? O Death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing your toil is not in vain in the Lord. ~1 Corinthians 15:55-58

It isn't easy. But anything less is just not enough.

You Can't Work Towards Grace

One of the common answers to the question "Are you going to Heaven?" would be something along the lines of "Yes, because I am a good person." So often people think by being good, doing good things that they will make it to heaven. Sadly though they are wrong.
Grace is the only way to get through those pearly gates. By the grace of God, which He offers freely, your name can be written in the book of life. You can live eternally in heaven one day!

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. ~Ephesians 2:8-9

How awesome is that?! Truly there is no way we could ever work our way to righteousness because no matter how hard we try, even the best of us sin. It may be in your heart, something only between you and God, or it may be something huge, that our earthly law penalizes with prison. But God offers grace to everyone. To Him all sin, big or small, it is black and white, there is no gray area.

As it is written, "There is none righteous, not even one; There is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God; All have turned aside, together they have become useless; There is none who does good, there is not even one." ~Romans 3:10-12

Though while works do not get anyone admittance into heaven, not even Christians, as believers under grace we should endeavor to do works for the Lord.

But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?...For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead. James 2:20,26

Because just as you would thank someone who gives you any kind of gift, we should show our gratitude for His awesome gift of salvation, which was purchased for us at the ultimate price, through the death of His Son.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. Romans 5:8-9

The precious blood of Jesus Christ that saved us from our sin should also be what motivates us to do works for Him. Not because we need to for us to enter heaven, but because we want to in our love for Him and His sacrifice.

Are You Happy?

Are you happy? We place so much weight on this simple little question. And everyone seems to have a different idea of what happiness means and how to get it. Many in our materialistic world define it as a big house, filled with plenty of 'toys', and then of course the bank account to buy more. Some may think happiness comes from having the job that pays the most. I don't know how many times I have seen articles highlighted on Yahoo about what jobs pay the most, or pay the worst so you can avoid those career paths.
I certainly haven't met everyone or done the proper research to give you statistics on this subject, but I have little doubt in my own mind that none of the things I listed bring much if any happiness. How can you be happy constantly trying to keep up with the newest and latest gadget, or working longer hours to get more money to buy all those 'things' that you believe will bring you happiness.
Usually at Christmas my husband and I spend just enough on each other for a few DVDs or books or shirts. Nothing too expensive is in our budget. But this past year we had a little extra, so since our anniversary is also during the holiday season, we spent a few hundred each on one another. I bought Jon a few items, one being quite a nice watch, he collects nice watches. That was my splurge as well as a very nice watch case- like a jewelry box but for up to 10 watches. He loved both and wears the watch often at church. Would he have been just as happy without it, yes. Now when shopping for me, I have a hard time giving Jon a 'frivolous' list of items I want just for me. Not something for the house, or for the kids or for Jon, just something for me to have a little fun with. I had a few Disney figurines on my wish list that I had been pining for, but Jon wanted something I could use and have fun with, not something that would sit somewhere collecting dust. He bought me a Nintendo DS. For the first few weeks, I played it and enjoyed it quite a lot. I was 'happy' with this gift, or so I thought. It wasn't long before I lost interest in it between taking care of the household as well as the children, I just had better things to do with my time. So this gift has ended up collecting dust just as a figurine would have.
Temporarily, the gift made me smile, it was fun and I enjoyed it. Ultimately though, it faded away, it became outdated as a newer better version was released. I lost interest in it because it wasn't important enough to hold me. That is what so many of us place our happiness in. Happiness itself is not a lasting emotion. It comes and it goes. We may be thrilled to be able to buy the newest gadget at the store but shortly after we get home there is something bigger (or smaller now a days) and better out there, and our shiny new toy begins to dull in light of something even better.
Being happy is good. I want my children to be happy, I want my family to be a happy one, but more then happiness, I want them all to have joy. Happiness may come and go, it may fade away, but true joy is everlasting. True joy is a gift only God can give.
My joy in Him never fades. While I may set aside a Christmas gift and find better things to do, there is nothing greater then the gift God has given me. Nothing can be more important then Him. No other gift in this entire world is greater. There is no newer better version to go out and get, God is unchanging, as is His love for me. He will never take away His gift, it can't be stolen or broken. What more could I want? Even when I am not happy, things are just not going my way, I will still have my eternal gift from God that brings me joy always.
In answer to my own question, I am very happy at the moment. My life is good, God has blessed us with a good home, a wonderful church and amazing friends. How could I not be happy?! But I know something may happen at any moment to steal my happiness away, Satan is always looking for his chance to drag me down. But I am not worried about it, because he can take my happiness, but he can never steal my joy.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 6:23

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow shifting. ~James 1:17

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never persih; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand." ~ Jesus, John 10:27-29

So here is my question for you, are you happy or are you joyful? Do you want a gift that will fade away or the one that is eternal?

Thankful Thursday: God's Word

I woke up this morning with a cloud over my head. And after a series of disappointing factors my cloud grew a dark gray and began to rumble with the sounds of an wet and horrible storm in the making for me. The cloud continued to build as I cleaned and tidied up our home preparing for the physical therapist to come and work with my son and I. And then the phone rang, it was the therapist, who I hoped was confirming the usual time he had been coming at one. One is the perfect time for it, after Z has had his nap and had lunch. He is happiest at this time of day. But unfortunately and unsurprisingly after how the day had already been going, he was calling to offer other times he may come today, neither was doable for Z, so he had to cancel for this week. More discouraging news on top of an already negative morning.
So you can see I am naturally not feeling very thankful this Thursday morning. But despite this day, I know I am blessed immensely more then I could ever deserve with family, friends, and a God who cares for someone as sinful as me, enough even to die to cover that sin.
Today I am thankful for my Bible, God's words to me for good times and bad. I know I can draw encouragement from within its pages, especially on days like today. As Satan is trying to drag me down, I don't have to search very hard to find scriptures from God in my Bible, as He lifts me back up.

Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. ~Psalm 61:1-4

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39

What are you thankful for today?

A Rainbow To Remember On

I saw a rainbow driving home from the store last night, and it lifted my heart. Much to Natalie's delight we see rainbows all the time on Guam. With the temperamental weather ranging from raining down cats and dogs one moment, to the sun shining bright as can be through the parting clouds the next, it is no surprise to me to see rainbows streaking across the sky almost daily. Even now though, I still feel such a thrill when I find them, no matter how everyday they may have become for us here. And to my delight, the joy on Natalie's face when she does spot one is always as if its the first time. Rainbows are a beautiful symbol of God's promises to us. And I am reminded at that and encouraged constantly by the sight of them.
The rainbows remind me of all that I have in the security I find only in Christ. The Lord gives us so many promises throughout the Bible, from the time of the well loved story of Noah's Arc in Genesis when the Lord first made rainbows a symbol of His promise...

"It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the [rain]bow will be seen in the cloud, and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh." ~Genesis 9:14-15

...to the promise of providing for our daily needs...

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:19

...to the promise of security and protection in the Lord...

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. ~Psalm 46:1-3

...to the ultimate promise of redemption through the blood of Jesus Christ.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. ~Romans 5:8-9

How I Found True Love

I grew up searching for love. I wanted to find the perfect man to share my life with and church seemed a good place to start. As a child I would go to church as often as I could. I went to Catholic church with my 'step' grandfather occasionally when I was really young and then as a preteen I began going to a baptist church with my sister's friend for AWANA. At first just my little sister had been invited to go along with her new best friend, and same name pal, Nicole, but after a week or 2, the rest of us were allowed to tag along also. That eventually evolved into not only Wednesday nights, but Sunday morning services as well. My first experience in Sunday school was not a super positive one, but I was just a very sensitive soul, and the teacher had unintentionally hurt my feelings. Still I felt drawn to church and I loved being surrounded by a group of people who just seemed to care.

Love was in the air at church and somewhere along the line that's where I met 'Him'. The man I had been longing for. He was kind and caring. I knew He would always take care of me. I loved Him.

Over the next few months, I jumped at any opportunity possible to go to church, where I could be closest to Him. The atmosphere there was like none I had ever experienced before, I was accepted in this world. When at my very public school, I was often the outcast and never quite popular enough to feel comfortable. But when we began going to church I never looked back. I didn't want that part anymore, I was content to who I had become at school, because I knew I would always have Him and I would always have church. Though I had never said a specific prayer, I knew Him in my heart. I was baptized along with my mom, at the age of 12. I knew Jesus' love, and I knew He had died for me, and I wanted nothing more than to give Him my life.

In my teen years, the monumental moment when I got my license came and I could not have been more thrilled to have a car. I actually had a job a couple of months prior, so I needed that car to drive to work, and more importantly to drive myself to church. My mom, being a manager in the retail business, was not able to have as many weekends off anymore as she had when my sisters and I were younger. I on the other hand, refused to work Sundays, at least any hours that conflicted with church. Occasionally I would do a short shift, I would rush off after the morning service and then rush back just a few minutes late for youth group. I was used to the rushing anyway, most of my shifts were immediately after school, a 20-30 minute drive away! I rushed EVERYWHERE those 3 years in high school!

Nothing could keep me from my church and from my Jesus. My heart ached, and still does today, seeing those around me, stumbling awkwardly in the dark. I even wrote a poem about it in high school. I would spend nights crying myself to sleep because I loved my friends, but some just would not hear the truth. Their ears and their hearts were closed to my words, to His words. I remember one girl though. She was new to our church, and a year older then I was. I had never had someone ask me so many questions about salvation! I said the prayer with her that I had heard recited so often in church, and since I didn't have all the answers for her questions myself, I was able to direct her to someone who would. I just remember feeling such excitement at her curiosity and then overwhelming joy when she did accept Jesus. She had met the perfect man that would love her unconditionally, just as I had years before. It was an indescribable feeling to be able to be a part of introducing her to Jesus.

But my heart still aches, because even within my own family, I know there are some still searching for perfect love now. Some think they find it in another person, others maybe in a bottle, or in sports or maybe work. Truly though the only place you can find such perfect love is in the Bible and in the hearts of His believers today. And the best part is, it is a completely free and wonderful gift. It can heal all the hurts in your past and bring new, true joy for the future. And it is unconditional, no matter what deep dark secrets you may cling onto, He knows them, and He wants you to let them go and be washed by His grace. And when you do, you have the assurance of an everlasting life with Him in heaven.

Do you know this perfect love yet? Will you go to heaven when you die? It's not about doing or being what the world calls 'good', its about knowing and accepting Christ's free gift of salvation. And if you want to know Him all you have to do is pray for Him to come into your heart and be a part of your life. There are no special secret words, because this must be a sincere prayer from your heart. Just close your eyes, bow you head and call out to Jesus, ask for forgiveness from your sinners and welcome Him into your heart and life to be Lord. You must turn away from things of the world, and rest on Him alone.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." ~John 3:16

"And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved." ~ Acts 4:12

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace... ~Ephesians 1:7

If you said that prayer please feel free to contact me! I would love to rejoice with you in your new life and new hope in Jesus!! The next step would be to get a bible, so you can learn God's word and grow closer to Him, as well as to find a church with other believers so that they may encourage you and pray for you!

Gaining a Sister, Losing a Friend

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. ~Job 1:21b

In the year I turned 6, my life, as well as the lives of those in my family, was on quite a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs, twist and turns, it seemed endless.
At the beginning of the year I was blessed to become a big sister for the second time. My mom brought home the newest addition to our family, my sister Nicole, in February. I got to hold a new baby for the first time. It was exciting because though I had one other little sister, Carolyn had been born when I was still a toddling 16 month old, so as far as my memory stretched she had always been there, we were a pair- though the kind of pair was more like that of cats & dogs then loving sisters, but a pair none the less.
A few months later, the joy of having a new baby sister faded as within weeks of each other, I lost two very close family members. Honestly, it all blurred together and I don't remember which happened first. One was expected, the other quite sudden. My grandfather, at the end of his full and long life, slowly fading into memory, and my dear cousin, my best friend, only 19 days younger then I was, just barely beginning his life.
I remember my grandfather lying in the hospital bed we had set up in our dining room. I don't know if he was awake and could hear me, but I knew he was sick and dying. I would sit beside him and use the skills I was just learning in school to read him stories. I didn't fully understand what was happening, but I was very sad and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were once. Finally one day I came home and he was just gone. The bed had been picked up and there was an empty space in the corner of our dining room, and in my heart. It was expected, but it was still sad to think I would never see him again, that his life on earth was now over. Of course life moved on despite his absence and I continued to find things to smile about.
Those smiles didn't last long though. I remember the phone call, the looks from my mom and grandmother as we got the tragic news. Both my Aunts, Lori and Lori, and my Uncle Mike had been planning some sort of road trip or vacation. We were never close with my Uncle Mike and his family, so we were not included in their outings. Apparently, the car they were loading up was parked across the street from their house. Some of the kids, my cousins, were in the car waiting as the adults hustled back and forth. My older cousin JJ was supposed to stay with Tony, but left to use the bathroom. Tony, my cousin and closest friend at that age, whom I frequently spent hours playing and pretending to get married to, was left in the car alone. I suppose being the typical 5 year old, he decided he didn't want to be left alone, and he stepped out into the street. The speculation I have heard over the time since the accident, is that he must have thought the car coming was slowing down for him. In fact, she was slowing as she talked with the others in her car and was looking at some of the homes they passed beside. She didn't even look ahead immediately as she began accelerating and changed the lives of many in mere seconds.
I never got to say goodbye. We got the call from my Aunt Lori at the hospital, he didn't make it. I remember selfishly asking the question, 'Did he say anything to me?'. I didn't know any better, I just wanted some form of farewell, even if I wasn't there to receive it myself. After learning he was unconscious until the end and wasn't able to give anyone any words, I collapsed into the nearest arms I could find. I don't know if it was my mom or my grandma, it didn't matter as I felt my world crumbling around me. She held me as I cried until the tears would come no more, curled up on our gray sectional sofa.
Eventually the world I once thought could be no more, rebuilt itself, just a little more frayed at the edges from the recent sorrows. Time moved forward, we moved into my grandma's house over that summer and I began 1st grade in the school I would call 'home' for the next 4 years, I made new friends, met wonderful teachers and had many new adventures. My grandfather and Tony were never far from my memory, but I still had my new baby sister, Nicole, to brighten my days. And someday I hope to see them both in heaven again.

This is the 3rd in a 15 week series I am doing to record my youth with other woman. Check it out at

How Is YOUR Posture?

I have always had a problem with my posture. I much prefer to slouch then put the effort in to stand up straight and tall. Even my husband now, concerned about the future back problems I have yet to develop from this bad habit, gets on my case about it. I know to the world good posture can make you more attractive sometimes, shows confidence, and maybe even in some a little cockiness as well.
How would you describe your posture? Are you proud to say you have good posture; Tall and straight, head up, just as your parents always hassled you about at the dinner table?
What about your spiritual posture? Do you think God wants you to be standing up nice and tall, proud even, or maybe He is asking that instead you bow your heart and bend your knees.

Come let us worship and bow down, Let us kneel before the Lord our God our Maker. Psalm 95:6

Bowing down and kneeling before God is an act of great humility. And that is exactly what God wants from us. A humble and open heart. Being humble is putting God before your own needs, obeying Him and doing His will above anything else. And the best part is, when we are humble enough to put God first, He will provide our every need. He will exalt us.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time. 1 Peter 5:6

But God doesn't just want us to humble ourselves to Him.
As a teenager, I used to love all the different acronyms people would come up with- PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens, WWJD- What Would Jesus Do, FROG- Fully Rely On God, BIBLE- Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, and one I recently heard, GRACE-God's Riches At Christ's Expense. But I think the one that has stuck with me most, that I can remember from when I first started regularly attending church at age 12, is JOY- Jesus, Others, Yourself. God not only wants us to humble ourselves before Him, but also before others. We need to be willing to serve others, just as Christ came to serve us the greatest love the world has ever know. He is our example of service to others and putting others before ourselves. Jesus had the ultimate humility when He died for us on the cross. And even in His earthly life, He left us with examples of His humility, so that we may follow Him.

...and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another for God is opposed to the proud, but give grace to the humble. 1 Peter 5:5b

"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you." John 13:14-15

How is your posture? Is God poking you, as your parents once did, but instead, He is asking why you do not humble yourself and bow before Him? Or maybe you need to kneel to wash the feet of another?
Remember to have true JOY, you must put Jesus first, others second and yourself last.

Tears: Repent or Regret?

As one bible study I have been enjoying comes to an end, I find myself anxious and excited for a new one. This time it is just me, so I decide to do a more in depth one through 2 of my favorite books, Ruth & Esther. The study is one of 3 in a series for women, and the title is "Pathway to God's Plan". Now I am not a believer in coincidences, I know for sure God has put this book into my lap for a reason because now on day 3 I am already finding so many truths that have their perfect timing in when I need to hear them! I guess this means I am already on my pathway to God's plan.
Today the truth I have found that spoke to me is on tears. I have shed many tears over my life. Even in elementary through junior high school, I was a crier, and I often got made fun of for it. By high school I had learned to be a bit more in control of my emotions, but to this day I still am a very emotional person, which really means, I cry, A LOT! I have come to appreciate it as part of a gift of compassion God has bestowed on me. But I have never thought much about what the tears actually mean until now.
There of tears of joy, when you are so full of happiness it can't help but be spilled out! And tears of sympathy, one I am particularly susceptible to, it is a fact, if someone else is crying within 50 feet of me, no matter the reason, I will end up shedding some tears! Of course we can't forget the tears of sorrow, often these happen when your heart is weighed down by grief over losing someone or some tragic accident has occured, these are the tears we long to never have spilled but are the most unavoidable of all. And then there are two more types of tears to be named.
The first are tears of regret. We regret making that decision to abort a baby, or that one night stand. Maybe we regret not going to church when we know God was calling us there, or saying hurtful words to our family; taking the wheel when we know we have had too much to drink, we regret. Many of our sins fall into this catergory. We often cry tears of regret over mistakes, major and minor. Tears of regret can also seek an audience, they long for sympathy from others, as well as to stew in their own self-pity, knowing nothing is going to change. Tears of regret reflect back on our pasts but don't make any move towards a change.
Next are the tears of repentence. These are the tears that don't look back. These are the tears that say, I know I have made mistakes in the past, we have all sinned, but I want to change and look toward the future. I want to turn away from those mistakes and look toward God. You shed these tears in your heart, no actor can ever win an award for these tears portrayed on screen or off, because they cannot be faked or forced. These tears are between you and God, they are a symbol that you want to change your heart and life. And you can't fool God, He knows what is in your heart. He knows which tears are of regret and which are of genuine repentance.
What tears do you cry today? Are you crying true tears of repent to the Lord or just the tears of regret to yourself? We need to remember to always check our hearts, are we being genuine with God, because He knows when we honestly desire a God-centered change, or when we are hoping for self-centered sympathy.

For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17