Working with Jeff

This is the final week for session one of Mommy's Piggy Tales! YAY! I made it!

This week's post is actually during my senior year and the summer following (though this week is 'post' high school), this is what truly stood out in my mind when I sat down to write, and since it is work related not school related so much I thought it works still. But I plan on continuing on with more post high school memories on Mondays with Janna starting in October.

My first job was at a thrift store. I got the job just before I turned 16 because my mom was the manager. I will save the details of it for another day (in session two of Mommy's Piggy Tales). When I was 18, and still in school, there was a new guy at work. His name was Jeff. He was handsome, with dark brown hair, and the type of eyes that always had that sparkle in them. And yes, briefly I had a crush on him. He wasn't too much older then me, and he made me laugh. I enjoyed working even the night shift if I was closing with him. He worked hard, so I wasn't picking up someone else's slack, but he also made it fun. But as for the crush, I knew it was just that, and I didn't agree with his lifestyle choices by a long shot. Lets just say he would not have been attracted to me no matter how beautiful of a girl I was. But we were friends, not close, but work friends. Though we had never hung out after work before I had actually asked Jeff to take me to my prom before I had gotten up the courage to ask Jon (see last week's post). Jeff agreed to be my 'date' if Jon couldn't go, but luckily Jon said yes, and Jeff was genuinely excited for me when he did.

One night Jeff and I were scheduled to work the closing shift with our supervisor Shawn. These were my favorite nights because Shawn was pretty laid back and one of the nicer supervisors. She didn't get mad or irritated when you needed help, she just helped you. And she wouldn't give into the customers who were being ridiculous asking for things to be marked down, at least not as much as some of the other supervisors did.
My night started right after school around 3, but Jeff wasn't supposed to show until 5, which is also when our second supervisor Sharon would leave for the night, and only the 3 of us would be left. it was shortly before 5 and the phone rang. I happened to be at the registers beside the phone, so I answered it. It was Jeff, he sounded...different. His emotionless voice told me he wasn't coming in again, ever. I was so confused, the way he was talking scared me. I don't remember who ended up taking the phone from me, Shawn or Sharon, but one of them did.
Later Sharon pulled me in the back, I was upset because something was obviously wrong. Though Jeff and I weren't very close, I still cared enough about him to want him to be okay. I don't remember exactly how much Sharon told me, but basically that Jeff wouldn't be coming back to work, but that he needed help. It was decided since it wasn't very busy, that Shawn and I could close just the two of us, though Sharon stayed later then planned. Once she left Shawn made more phone calls to Jeff to see how he was. Shawn and Jeff were close, at least for how close they could be as a supervisor and employee, they hung out after work sometimes with some other co-workers, doing things I would never have even if I had been old enough. I was always the naive and innocent manager's daughter, but I was okay with that- I knew I didn't want to know anything about that other life.
Shawn was getting very worried about Jeff, and told me she decided to go check on him after we closed (9 pm). Though she fought me at first, I told her I wanted to help him too, and if she didn't agree to it I would just follow her there anyway, so she caved. We rushed through all the after hours tasks, preparing for the next day, and were out the door pretty quickly. Jeff's place was actually right on my way home, though we had to park on a different road since it was only street parking in that part of town. I was glad Shawn had agreed to take me since I probably would've chickened out just realizing how dark that area was and parking a whole street away to walk wouldn't have seemed safe alone. We got to Jeff's house, his parents were across the country visiting family and this was actually one of the rare times he didn't go with them. He let us inside. I was shocked at how he looked, I don't think I had ever seen someone look that pale before. Like all the life had drained from his face, and the sparkle in his eyes was gone, in fact he didn't really seem to 'see' anything, just stared. He moved so slowly and steadily, as if just on auto pilot. Shawn told him to get his things, she didn't want to leave him alone, so he would go home with her. I don't remember what his reasoning had been, but he had locked the basement and thrown his house key down the laundry shoot, so we had to find a way to get to it before we left. The whole time I don't remember saying much. I cried, I hugged him, and just watched in shock at how different this person was to me. Like night and day. I helped Shawn eventually get him to the car and I got in my own and went home. I don't think I slept much that night.
Jeff never came back to work, though he stayed with Shawn and her family until his own came home. I wrote him a letter, which Shawn gave to him. His parents had decided to move him back to the East Coast where they were originally from and he had more family and friends. I hoped to keep in touch, and continue trying to witness to him. I had always snuck it into our conversations at work, inviting him and anyone who would come to church with me.
Sometime the summer after my graduation, Jeff came into the store. I can't remember if they had decided not to move, or just hadn't yet, but he found me in the men's department cleaning up and stopped to say hi. I remember showing off my engagement ring, and telling him more about Jon and prom. He promised to keep in touch (doesn't everyone- I know I do sometime realizing it may not happen!). I still think about him sometimes and pray for him. I know now what was going on that night. Jeff is bi-polar, and was having one of the lows because he had stopped taking his medication. Bi-polar is a form of depression, characterized by exactly what I saw in him, extreme highs and loads of energy, and then falling so low you don't even want to live anymore. This was the first time I truly witnessed that face to face with someone I knew and cared for and I will never forget it. It isn't just one of those things you read about, and this was just one more step for me in realizing how much I still someday hope to become a psychologist, to help others, to help more people like Jeff.

This is my 15th of 15 posts in a series to record my youth with other woman at
. Would you like to record your youth for your children and grandchildren to read about someday? Janna is beginning a second session on Oct. 7th for those who would like to join! I know I will be there sharing many more of my memories!!

Gravy Fingers

I have a double treat this week, since in one night both my husband and daughter had me in fits of laughter!

After church Sunday evening, we stopped by the Wendy's drive-thru on our journey home. At the first window, my husband hands over his card to pay. A minute later the girl in the window is still trying to swipe it but the card is just not working, so she calls her manager over. The manager is the first to notice, Jon had given his military ID (with a strip on the back to further fool the eye) as payment instead of his credit card!

Then after arriving home and playing, I mean, eating her dinner, Natalie was told to go get her pajamas on. So almost ready for bed, only task left is to go potty, Natalie comes out into the living room. We had asked her to use the potty, so before we could scold her for not doing what she is told she explains, "My fingers are gravy." Both confused by what she is saying as well as what this has to do with using the potty, it finally clicked...GREASY is what she meant. She couldn't get the door knob to the bathroom open because her fingers were greasy from her french fries!!

I can't wait to hear what funny and crazy things Zachary says someday! If he takes after his sister, he is sure to be a great source of constant entertainment!!

This post is linked to

Top Ten Tuesday: Homemade Christmas Gifts

This year we won't be getting our reenlistment bonus in October as we had each year since we have been married, so funds will be lower then usual. And considering we will also be travelling right before the Christmas season, we will be spending money then as well, so that we may spend some much needed time with my family. Overall, money is tight this year, so I thought it would be fun to give homemade Christmas gifts to our family and friends. Here are some of the items I am hoping to have Natalie help me create.

1. Calendar. I want to have Natalie create a beautiful hand print painting, one for each of the seasons, and then just have the one picture for 3 months before you flip it to the next. Hopefully I can find a place to get the actual pictures laminated and have it all bond together so its sturdy.
2. Apron. (Or shirt, baseball cap, tie or tote bag.) Hand-painted or draw with fabric markers, to make a personalized, wearable gift.
3. Framed artwork. I found some great ideas at Family Fun to give the simple child's artwork a little extra fun twist. Particularly the painting in the rain and painting like Georges Seurat, look fun and easy! And then I will mat and frame each piece so its ready for the wall!
4. Personalized Stationary. Using blank note cards and envelopes, I will let Natalie draw and stamp to crate designs on the front of the cards, and they will be one of a kind, truly personalized stationary.
5. Place mats. For our young family and friends, I thought a fun place mat would be a great gift. Using large construction paper and additional paper cut outs, I will have Natalie glue shapes on in fun patterns and designs, then get it all laminated.
6. Jewelry. Another great one for little girls! Natalie will love making some fun necklaces with brightly colored beads to give to her friends.
7. Throw Pillow. I don't sew, but I know how to make a knot! Using pieces of fleece, I can make blankets or throw pillows as gifts!
8. Magnets. Anything can be made into a fun magnet! You can even use clay to mold and design your own and just hot glue a magnet to the back!
9. Soap. This is especially fun to make if you throw a little toy in it, and there is a prize for the kids who regularly wash their hands! Or another idea was to use a fish cookie cutter and skewer to make little fish then string them up as your catch of the day for decoration with a purpose!
10. Christmas Ornament. Since we are talking about gifts for the holiday season, what better idea then a new handmade, homemade trinket for the tree. And this is pretty open ended. You can take the clear glass balls and fill them with almost anything for a fun look, or you can make Popsicles to make a fun frame with a cute picture inside (isn't that what Grandma really wants anyway?!). You are only limited by your own imagination, and even if you can't think of many ideas, with a computer and Internet connection the possibilities are endless with hundreds of ideas waiting to be discovered!!

And these are only 10 possible ideas, there are so many more out there!! I am excited to begin some of these projects with my daughter and figure out what to give to each person!

This post is linked to

Oh How I Miss Autumn!

I find myself feeling so very jealous of my dear family and friends back home in the states. While some may long for a full year of fun in the sun, right about now I feel the need for the change of season that won't be coming.

I miss the hues of crimsons, golds and caramels on the trees, as well as blanketing the ground. I miss bundling up in layers of sweaters and jackets, scarves and gloves. I miss watching my breath come out in puffs as I breathe in the frosty air. I miss nights curled up by the fireplace drinking hot cocoa and snuggling by my sweetheart. I miss the cold.

I remember once in Virginia, which is actually a slightly warmer climate then my true home, stopping to get gas. I was in jeans and a t shirt, it was somewhere around 60 degrees, so while I wasn't comfortable exactly, I definitely wasn't freezing by any means. This man in a sweater was in front of me, and looked so surprised as he stood there hugging himself watching me casually wait for the tank to finish filling up. He just gawked and said "Aren't you cold?" And I explained that this was pretty much spring time weather where I grew up. Summers even rarely got up very high, maybe a handful of days over 90, but generally 80s at most. So for me, 60 degrees was a good middle ground. I laugh at that now!

I get the distinct feeling when we go home this year for a November visit, by body will be going into a bit of a cold shock! After all, for 2 years now I haven't left the warmth of this humid, tropical island. I am guessing by the time we leave again, our bodies will just begin to remember their roots and we will be thrown back into the fire that is Guam.

I know this is the place we need to be right now, and for the next 2 years. But I don't think I will ever stop longing for the change of seasons. I have never even been a very big fan of change in general, but this change from bright grassy greens and sky blues, to caramel leaves and fiery trees, I welcome. And then the bittersweet fact, the older I get the faster time seems to pass, even as I long for it to slow down, so I know it won't be long before I get to enjoy the colors of autumn again.

Minutes Forever Burned Into My Memory

Every generation seems to have at least one major event that has been burned into our minds exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard the unbelievable news.

Older generations may remember what they were doing when they heard Pearl Harbor was attacked. Or where they were when they first learned JFK had been shot. For the current generation, it's how we discovered the impossible had happened on 9/11.

It was the beginning of my junior year. I was excited to be taking AM swim, which meant I was at school a full hour and half before anyone else. Wet from washing all the chlorine out of my hair, I rushed from our school pool up to the main building. It was always chilly this early in the morning and having damp hair only made it worse. Relief washed over me as I entered the warm building on the top of the hill. Though there were still minimal crowds and the start of classes was still a good 20 minutes away, I hurried to my first period, back out into the brisk morning on the other side of the main building and into one of the newer portables. I had U.S. History with one of my favorite teachers, Mr. S. He made history come to life, he made it real and entertaining. He made us feel like we were a part of it.
That morning, history would be made, in fact, little did I know it already had. Sitting at the table where I was assigned, I did my usual ritual to prepare for class. I pulled out the necessary binder and book. I even brought out some other homework to finish up before class began. The lights weren't even on yet, though Mr. S had just stepped out and another girl who sat with me, Rachel, had come in. She also got to school bright and early to secure a parking spot along the street. Only seniors and some juniors got stickers to park in the parking lots around campus. (I happened to be one, having won the parking spot lottery in which about 10 of 100+ juniors hoping for a spot were picked!) Rachel had been sitting in her car for probably about an hour or more before school started (I did this most of my sophomore year), and she had been listening to the radio when they announced that at 5:52 am (PST) the first plane had hit, and a mere 9 minutes later the second plane had crashed into the other twin tower. Rachel told me what had happened, but at the time I was only barely aware of what the twin towers were. And I couldn't believe or grasp what she was telling me. It seemed unreal and in fact I didn't really believe her when she shared it. I kept thinking it must me some hoax the radio show she was listening to had been doing. But sure enough only minute later Mr. S came back into the room and flipped the TV on and reality hit me, though I still couldn't believe what I was seeing. Time warped and though all this happened in only a few minutes, in my mind it feels like it was hours.
Impossible. How could something like that happen here? Though in history we read about times or war and conflicts, that is all it is, history. It just can't be happening here and now, in my time, in my country. My safe and secure country.
As clear as those early morning minutes still are in my mind, the rest of the day is a blur. TV screens on in every classroom, replaying the horrific images that should only be found in our nightmares. Students crying and in shock. Though we lived across the country from this terror, it hit us all as though it happened in our very own backyard. No, it happened in our front yard, a city, we thought about as glamorous and untouchable, with its tall, important buildings, and streets filled with yellow cabs. Now was buried under dust and rubble. Death was heavy in this city once teeming with life. And it was felt everywhere, from the piles of twisted metal and stone that once stood tall, to the hearts of those watching from the sunny beaches in Hawaii. A cloud had spread over the entire country now united in mourning.

That is what I remember from that tragic day 9 years ago. Do you remember where you were when the unimaginable news first broke the stillness?

Don't forget to take a moment to remember and pray today. Pray for the families who lost loved ones. Pray for the troops who are still out fighting the war that began 9 years ago. Pray for our nation as it still heals from its deep wounds.

Our Love Story

It seems throughout this process of remembering, its been all about the guys in my life. From the death of my grandfather and cousin when I was very young, to my first male teacher whom I couldn't stand, to my friend Chris, and then last week my first boyfriend, Steve. So this week I will just stick with that theme (and in the next session I will share more about some of my best girl friends). Get ready, this one is pretty long, I remember very vividly much from certain things this year!

Senior year started out rough. I had a falling out with one of my best friends. Victoria, within weeks of school starting. We didn't speak for months. During that time I became closer to another friend of mine, Josh. He was the ex-boyfriend of another close friend, Erin. They had dated a long time and while he was upset about the breakup, and one of the only classmates I knew in my physics class (lots of labs that you need partners for- and I think he understood more of it then I did- gotta love teachers who grade on the curve!!). So Josh became one of the people I leaned on and hung out with for much of the year, as I was dealing with losing the friendship with Victoria. He was always very kind to me, and though we weren't as close as I was with Chris, I was so grateful for his friendship senior year.
By the middle of the year, February, things began looking up, as Victoria and I began speaking again, and shortly after that I met the man who would become my husband.



I was at church early one Sunday morning, going over the worship songs for the service. Roy, who had been my youth leader, was now the interim pastor as well as the only person who could play piano in our church. So he played (and sang) and I sang with him. I remember my friend Timothy, who was then the youth leader, pulling into the wet parking lot. Watching from the sanctuary window, Jon, dressed in a dark blue turtle neck sweater with an orange stripe around the middle, and dark denim jeans, with a nice leather jacket on, stepped out of the passenger side back door holding a box of donuts for our Sunday School class. I just thought "Boy, he sure is cute, I wonder how old he is..." I was still quite boy crazy at this age, always looking for that potential guy God had for me (remember I knew I wanted to marry young, and I was ready for commitment- which is what scared most of the boys away of course!). Timothy was in the Navy, so I guessed this cute boy was probably someone he invited from his boat. I was 18, so I hoped he wasn't too much younger, though I figured he probably wouldn't be interested in me since I was still in high school.
Roy and I had pretty much finished up practicing, so I headed for the building our Sunday school class was in, just sort of kiddie corner to the sanctuary doors (separate buildings). At this point, Jon says he remembers seeing me get out of my car the first time he saw me, I don't remember going back to it for anything, but maybe I did. During Sunday school, Jon was actually more involved then I was in the discussions. He even shared a prayer request that his grandma had recently had a stroke. (If you know him now you wouldn't be surprised at all by this, but back then, me being super shy, even around this group of adults I had known for years, I was pretty quiet and rarely shared much even for prayer requests, so I was surprised this stranger was so involved!)
Well this Sunday just happened to also be Timothy's birthday (at least I am pretty sure it was his- might have been Debby, his wife's though). So after church, most of the youth group went out to eat at Godfather's pizza. Well I was growing seriously curious about this boy, by this point all I knew was his name, John (didn't find out it was Jon for Jonathan until a little later) and that he was on Timothy's boat, so he was in the Navy. I jumped at the chance to ask Timothy more questions, and when he got up to get a refill, I followed him to ask my questions. I don't remember what I asked, but my biggest question was how old is Jon? I knew in the Navy he would be in trouble for being with someone too young- if he was older- since I was actually still in school. Well it turned out Jon was only a year or so older then me (actually only a week short of a full year older).

(This was while we were away at the competition, in the bus finishing up getting ready for the performance. I do miss this sort of stuff the most of all my high school experiences!)

From there I don't really remember when we exchanged number or whatnot, but Jon continued coming to youth group with Timothy, and sometimes (eventually always) I gave him a ride to and from the Navy shipyard about 20-30 minutes away from my house & from church. We talked on the phone and we chatted through AOL a lot.
One time we went mini-golfing with a group of friends. I got to be one of the drivers, and the ride was more fun then the actual game, that was until my other friend who also drove, insisted Jon ride with her (later I found out she liked him- though supposedly she was trying to help me get up the courage to ask him out! Oh teenage drama- how I DON'T miss it!!). I was worried though, because she was much more popular, especially among the guys, completely the opposite of me! But I truly enjoyed being with Jon so I endeavored to find out if he liked me. Once we established our friendship, I felt like I could be myself with him, and he made me laugh a lot.
Finally after talking to Timothy and checking with him about whether or not it would be appropriate, I got up the courage to ask Jon to go with me to my senior prom. I was so nervous! Anytime I had ever asked a guy before I had either gotten I flat out no, or been laughed at, but as much as I wanted to be- I just wasn't the 'sit-and-wait-patiently-for-the-boy-to-take-initiative' type of girl. Then I found out later, Timothy had somewhat misunderstood his role in my concerns, and told Jon I would be asking!! I was embarrassed more then angry by this. I am not one to hold a grudge, and Timothy is just not the kind of person it is easy to be really mad at! Either way, Jon said yes! I think it was the next week when I took him home, as I pulled into the street to drop him off outside the gate, he very shyly and sweetly asked if he could kiss me. I will always remember that! Jon says he was afraid to just try because he could tell I was the goody-two-shoes church girl, and he didn't want to offend me. Well I didn't want to say no, but I barely knew him still, so I offered him my cheek for a quick peck. He is still to this day embarrassed a little by that whole situation! But I think its absolutely sweet.
By the end of April, I had to go away for an extended weekend because our concert choir always went to a certain competition each year (more then one actually- but this one we did all 3 yrs I was in choir, while the others varied). It was across the state, about a 4-6 hr drive through mountains part of the way. I loved going on the bus tours! Our director always managed to get us nice tour buses instead of the uncomfortable yellow ones, especially if we were going somewhere more then an hour away! On the ride there, I was on the phone with Jon for a bit. I don't remember who called who, but Jon eventually got to his point. Very hesitantly but sweetly, he asked it we could be 'boyfriend/girlfriend' (he didn't ask to 'go out' like any boys in my school would've) and he sort of stumbled over the words like he was embarrassed and not sure how to exactly phrase his words. I was absolutely giddy as I said yes! We ended our call shortly after this though because we were approaching a tunnel. But I quickly told my friend Bethany who was sitting beside me, and before I knew it all the girls on the bus were giggling over my phone call!

(One of our 6 prom photos, and my absolute favorite! My sister was so angry that I got this dress because she wanted it for the next dance she went too, but she didn't like hand-me-downs and I wasn't the same size anyway.)

Then it was time for my prom. May 10th, just a month before graduation. I was so excited to officially have a date to this major event. We made reservations to go out to eat at a nice restaurant with Josh and some of my other friends. We had a group of just over 10. Jon was a perfect gentleman! Even though I drove, he opened doors for me and even paid (another something fairly new- I was usually the one who paid for things even with just friends since I was the one with a job!).
Then we went to the dance, which was okay in terms of a dance, like I said, what made it really great was that I actually had a date! Oh and our teachers were our valets for the evening (nothing like that for any of the other dances). I believe it was my physics teacher, Mr. N, who took my car. Jon and I spent the evening hanging out and talking when there wasn't a slow song on. We got 2 packages of photos done- I wanted plenty of documents of my big night with him! And he very kindly danced with my friend Shannon at my prompting. She didn't have a date, but had come with our group, and I remembered how much I hated sitting out all the slow dances with all the guys taken, I didn't want her to feel like that all night. (And she didn't, between all the guys in our group, I don't think she sat out any dances though she was the only one dateless!) Eventually the evening ended and I took Jon home.
I know people assume teenagers don't really fall in love, but instead lust. But I knew very early I loved Jon. Despite all my boy craziness, I just knew (and so far I am not wrong!!). Later that month we said I love you and kissed for the first time.
Jon was there for my graduation, he bought me a pair of gold angel earrings because he said I was his angel (though I never wore them because they weren't my style- he still struggles with finding jewelry I will actually wear).
About a month and half after graduation, on our 3 month 'anniversary', Jon ended up having to work, despite date plans with me. So the next night I planned a big night for us. We started with miniature golfing, then we went to a movie- only there wasn't anything romantic playing, so we saw Tomb Raider. Afterwards we drove down to the waterfront. It was dark and deserted but nice and quiet- small town so we weren't worried or anything. I had a picnic packed of some sandwiches, sparkling cider and strawberries with whipped cream. We had previously talked about marriage, he even asked sort of playfully once before, but we decided that wasn't the 'real' way he wanted to ask. But being the girl I was, I was impatient. I knew what I wanted!! So I stood up and asked him to get on his knees, which he did. And then I told him to just do it, and he did, he asked me to marry him, though he was upset to be prompted and not ready with a ring to give me then. Of course, after all of that, I said YES! And on the way home he called his mom to tell her. Back at home (by this point he was regularly sleeping on our couch, with my mother's not to thrilled approval- and no we never snuck him into my room, I was a good girl after all, since it was getting expensive to drive back and forth so much each day- I drove him to work each morning, I worked in the same direction, and then picked him up afterwards- note to my own children- this mama won't ever allow that, so don't bother ever asking!!), I had set up on the downstair patio, a radio with some romantic CDs, and I had wrapped purple lights up around the posts, and we danced under the stars. My mom cried tears of joy (and sadness that her oldest would be out of the nest soon) when I told her the good news the next day.
Well the months flew by, and Jon and I were married just before Christmas of that same year! Actually I found out on my wedding day that it was my grandparents (Dad's side) 45th wedding anniversary!! Though it wasn't planned that way, and I wasn't particularly close to that side of the family, I like how the timing was just perfect like that. And they were able to drive to be at the wedding from 2 states away (though they arrived that day and left the next- so I didn't get to visit with them really). We had an evening wedding, themed for my favorite holiday, we even had a Christmas tree up on our 'dance floor', and up until about 2 years ago, used the same tree and some of the same decorations every year. We will be celebrating 7 wonderful years of marriage this December.

This post is the 14th in a series of 15 I am doing to record my youth with other women at

It is also linked to Favorite Memories Friday at Mom's Toolbox.

When Life Isn't Fair

Even when it is something I don't necessarily want to hear, I just love it when God so obviously is speaking to me through whatever means available.

Let me explain a little background info: My sister announced last June she was getting married. Of course I want to go, but along the way we have hit more then one bump in the road. In fact it has seemed more like a roller coaster ride then a bumpy road, trying to get my husband's leave approved (he is military, and nothing about being in the military is ever simple!). It isn't a matter of being told 'no' though, just 'wait' and then 'wait' again. We have jumped through many hoops trying to get it through, and there are many complicated reasons we have had problems, most of which were out of our hands, and to me, very unfair. Our biggest issue is time and money, it is expensive to leave the island, and we need to buy tickets in advance, as well as order me a bridesmaid dress if I will be able to get there. The whole thing has dragged out for over a month now for us, and I haven't felt any peace throughout the whole thing!

My husband feels defeated, and he just wants me to let it go and wait more, but I feel wronged. I want to call up his chain of command and say "That's NOT fair!" I want to find a way for 'justice' to be done, the kind of justice when I get my way, and the person unjustly standing in my path gets reprimanded.

And then today, I was looking through the new posts of the blogs I follow when I came across a post titled Why not just be wronged?. At first, I did not want to click on it. I didn't want to hear that I should just accept what has happened and let it go. After all my anger and frustration are justified, this just shouldn't be happening to us.

But I could not deny God His chance to speak to me through this blog. It was obvious, this was for me.

Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? ~ 1 Corinthians 6:7b

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgement as the noonday. Rest int he Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way... ~Psalm 37:5-7b

It isn't easy to accept, but sometimes we will be wronged, even as Christians. Even the world has their own way of saying it- Life isn't fair. Ultimately though God's justice will prevail, and that is what matters. I am not the judge, I am not the one who should seek punishment and reprimand for those who I feel are against me or have wronged me. Sometimes we need to just let it go, instead of having it fester in our hearts, creating an infection that can spread to other parts of our lives. If we want to be healthy in our walk with the Lord, it is important to let go and move on, even if we are being wronged. God is in control and He will work everything out for good, for His will.

As for the wedding, I hope I am able to go. But ultimately God knows best and He is in control. Even if I don't like the answer, just remembering He is the one in control, brings me peace. I was just struggling with keeping that in mind because in my heart I didn't want the answer to be no, or even wait. I wanted to be the one behind the wheel, but I am reminded once again, that God is the better driver when it comes to my life. For now I will just continue to pray that everything falls into place, and we are able to go, whatever the answer may be.

(And if you haven't already, I seriously encourage you to check out Mary DeMuth's post. Maybe you will also get something from it!)