While I know there are some out there who are adamantly opposed to spanking children, I believe it is one of the best tools in my own list of discipline, at least for the young ages of my children at present. We began giving Natalie spankings at about 18 months, occasionally, about a year after that in her terrible twos phase it became very obvious we weren't using that tool enough as the other methods began failing. Now it is the only discipline Natalie responds too along with taking away toys & privileges in relation to her current offense. She has actually asked for timeout in the past knowing the other choice would be a spanking, in which case we have put timeouts in a timeout until it seems suitable to bring it out again. I guess I just figured when she starts asking for one in place of another, the first has lost its effectiveness.
But with all the spankings she gets, she still sometimes comes out of it trying desperately to bury her smile even though it stings my own hand as hard as I have to spank her to get her to feel it and realize it is a punishment. This brings me to a question I would like to send out to everyone. Parents or not, I am curious what your opinions are on the topic of spankings, the hand or the rod?
I have heard a few things for either way: those in favor of the hand seem to think it is best because we are better able to control the strength behind it, those against it question how it will effect the child if we spank with the same hands that we care for them and love them with. They feel that our hands should be symbols of love to children not punishment. As for those in favor of the rod, I have been told, it leaves more of a sting, resulting in hopefully fewer spankings because the message gets through faster and that it is again not us per say using the same hands we love with to 'hurt' with. And of course those against it feel it is harder to calibrate the strength with which we spank with it.
I don't necessarily agree with the idea that we don't want to spank with our hands because we shouldn't love and inflict pain with the same hands, but I do believe in spanking we are showing love as we teach and discipline them into becoming better people. I am just sharing the reasons I have heard given against and for each side in the past.
So readers, what are your thoughts on this? Do you spank with a 'rod' or with your hand and what are your own reasons for that choice?
If the hand doesn't work, then the spoon does. It only comes out on the rare occasions when after a few spankings with my hand I am still having problems. Roy can spank harder then I can and will only use his hand.
ReplyDeleteShannah
Hmmm... well, this is something we have also struggled with a little. Rachel has always had a truly difficult time giving spankings, but we have discovered that Anthony was taking too many liberties, and feeling that he should get a large number of chances before actually getting a real punishment. As parents, we both disagree with that wholly, and have - in the last year - begun dealing harsher punishments which get results. I have always been an advocate of spanking, but I had a hard time using it because I was the "stepparent" and it took a while to overcome the feeling that it wasn't my place yet.
ReplyDeleteI regards to whether or not hand, rod, etc.: I use my hand, and I pull his pants down so he feels the sting. I have never used an object, or "rod", I think simply because my mother used those excessively and even broke a few wooden spoons on me and my brother, and to this day I can't seem to stomach the idea of doing the same to Anthony. Rachel, on the other hand, has always spanked him through his pants - a practice I don't feel gets results. He doesn't feel it so much, and to him, her version is more of a pride thing than actual pain.
We always warn him before that we are going to count to three or he will get a spanking, so he always has the opportunity to make a choice about his actions. If he doesn't change his ways in that amount of time, he gets it. In the past I observed that with Rachel's version he had a much more difficult time responding to the discipline, since she had a habit of getting to three and then continuing to try and reason with him. I have - in recent months - discovered that he will get one of my spankings, continue on in his tirade or indifference, and then proceed through a second countdown of three to a second spanking. After the second, he is completely ready to comply... and shortly thereafter can admit that he was in the wrong and had the chance to stop.
It's a tough role as parent to exact discipline and punishment, but it is a necessary tool. In terms of rod vs. hand - I guarantee Rachel will never use an object on Anthony's behind, and I have yet to find that necessary.