Top Ten Tuesday: My Plans While We Are HOME!

I am home for my sister's wedding and some much needed time with family and friends, most of whom I have not seen in 2+ years!! So while I plan to be checking in occasionally and maybe blogging a little, Jon and I have a lot of things we want to cram into a 3 week window while we are home. We aren't planning another visit to the states until our return home in mid 2012! Here are some of the many things we hope to do during the 3 weeks:

1. Obviously, I will be doing all the wonderful duties of not only sister to the bride, but a bridesmaid. Including throwing a bridal shower myself, attending another pajama party and a ladies luncheon in my sister's honor- complete with getting my nails done at the salon with the ladies before the luncheon, the rehearsal and dinner, then the actual wedding itself!

2. At my sister's request, we will be having either a double date with our men, or just some sister bonding time. I believe we will be going to Seattle!

3. At my insistence, Jon and I will be getting a date night of our own. If finances and timing permit, it will be a dinner cruise that we have both longed to go on. In fact, it the same one he had hoped to propose on if I hadn't been so impatient!

4. This is not only a trip to go for the wedding, but also our own family vacation. We haven't been on one of those in a long time!! So we are hoping to take the kids up to the Woodland Park Zoo in the Seattle area, which I have never been too. As well as the Aquarium which is in downtown Seattle- though they will probably need to be separate trips, because we will take the ferry on foot for the Aquarium. Though Jon was disappointed I had taken Natalie on her first ferry ride the last time just us girl visited, this time it will be Zachary's 1st time and we will all go!

5. Family pictures!! I already found and bought coordinating outfits for all of us, to do some in studio pictures at JCPenny. This is were we used to do all our pictures of the kids and family, but there isn't one in Guam! I have this framed print from them in our hall from right before we left, but it is missing our newest member- so we really hope to get something similar to add beside the earlier one when we get home! (Though I am still hoping to also do family pictures on the beach in Guam before Jon leaves for 3 months next year, I don't think you can ever have too many pictures!!)

6. A girls night, or day, with my best friend, Shannah!! We have been best friends for over 10 years, and I miss her a whole lot!! I plan on spending as much time with her as I can between all the wedding stuff and other plans, as well as have Natalie spend some time with Shannah's 3 girls!

7. We will be celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving with my family! I am looking forward to it, even if there won't be a tree or many decorations up yet, we will still have the big meal surrounded by our family, and exchange gifts all together instead of through the mail!

8. A tradition my mom started when I was young, was that every year we would go see Zoolights at the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium. In general I spent a lot of time there growing up with my mom and sisters, so it will be a great blessing to now share that with my kids. Zoolights is a lot of fun, it opens the weekend after Thanksgiving and the whole zoo is decked out with Christmas lights! We bundle up, go buy hot chocolate and walk through the maze of displays lighting up the night! I have missed that, I haven't been to it in about 6 years!

9. I will be getting my craft on! I am looking forward to not only trying to creatively and inexpensively decorating for my sister's bridal shower, but also picking up the stuff I want/need in order to decorate Zachary's toddler bedroom- monkey themed! I almost all of the decor in my daughter's ladybug themed bedroom when we switched her to her toddler bed and took out the old nursery decor, and I can't wait to do the same for my son as he approaches 2 years old! And also I will be finishing up last minute touches on the homemade Christmas gifts for my family. We don't have a very great craft store here on Guam- there is one, but the selection isn't great and it is seriously expensive, so this is a big priority for me, I miss running to Michael's (or even Walmart sometimes) for all my crafting needs!!

10. I will also be trying to visit with many other friends I haven't seen in a while, including my friends Chris, Victoria, and Bethany. As well as family, my brother Daniel and my niece Miranda, and all the family attending my sister's wedding.

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Wordless Wednesday: My Gifts from God

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. ~Psalm 127:3

AMEN!

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WFMW: For the Splatter

When my daughter was first learning to feed herself, I rushed out to the store to buy a $15 splat mat to put under her high chair to spare as much of the carpet as possible from any stains her food may leave.

Honestly I wasn't very impressed by the overpriced piece of vinyl. It was never big enough to cover the range of my daughter's throwing arm. I often imagined I had a baseball star in the making for how far she managed to chuck the raviolis!

Now I know better, I need something, wider, longer, and cheaper!

For my son I went out and spent about a third of the money to get a vinyl tablecloth. It works wonderfully! I have more options in size, and it can still function as a tablecloth when I need it to (if I give it a good wipe down). It actually seems to even stay in place better since the underside isn't vinyl (at least on carpet). And I can choose the pattern and color I want as well, so it can match my decor or rotate with the seasons, if I feel the need for a change (or if I just get tired of looking at one particular design).

Tablecloth splat mats work for us! How do you keep your floors clean with toddlers pitching their food all over?

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family.

What Kind of Man are You?

At some point in this past week, I was loving on Zachary and called him, "My little man!" And Natalie elaborates my statement with, "A cute, fluffy, little man!"
Needless to say, daddy wasn't a huge fan of Natalie's choice in adjectives for his son!

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Though I didn't catch much of what was said, in a case of what I am sure was being overtired after a later then usual night at church, Natalie began to chatter to herself...and kept going and going and going. She sat on the potty talking away, then moved onto her bedroom, and held a steady stream of one-sided conversation with whoever was listening, and didn't go silent until the lights were out! If I hadn't known any better, I would've thought her daddy had given her a cup of coffee with the buzz of energy she was running off of!

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Wordless Wednesday: My NOT Camera Shy Guy!

Zachary has been particularly adorable lately! And he is starting to say "Cheese!!" whenever I pull out my camera. Sometimes he even starts 'running' for the camera! I just LOVE it!!



And he is really walking now! Won't be long and I won't be able to get anything but a blur as I try to snap a picture of my speedy little guy!!



This post is linked to Wordless Wednesday.

WFMW: Journaling for Our Children

It is so nice to know the things I try to teach Natalie do get through sometimes, at least the most important things.

As we were leaving for church one night last week, I looked up at the sky in which the sun was setting. It was a beautiful sight, pink and orange stripes ran across the sky from the horizon. I said, "Look at the pretty sky, Natalie!" and then she looked up and exclaimed, "Jesus painted the sky!"

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A few weeks ago Natalie had her blood pressure taken for the first time at the doctor's office. She did not like it, and now asks if she has to do that everytime we go to the doctor's....

Well as we went out to the car on our way to church a different night last week, I was holding Natalie's hand in the parking lot of our building. I gave her hand a little squeeze, and in a silly but curious way she asks, "Mommy, are you taking my hand pressure?"

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While I love sharing these funny and cute moments with everyone out in the bloggy world, I have decided to start a journal for each of my children- though Zachary isn't talking quite yet. I will record all the funny things they say and do, so not only I can look back on them when I need a laugh, but also so they can have a treasured keepsake someday to share with their own kids as they too discover the joys of parenting a child who speaks their mind- however silly or goofy the thoughts may be!! I already bought the cutest little journal for Natalie's cute words!

This works for us! How do you record these treasures for your own children?

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And if you are a sentimental sap like me and love that idea- you just may love recording your youth with Janna over at Mommy's Piggy Tales beginning October 7th! It will be a 12 week session (though you may write as often or not as you choose), and each week we will be sharing memories from a different age inour lives! Just think about having your story written out to share with your children and children's children!! What a great way to leave a legacy!! Check out one of my posts from the last session.

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family and
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WFMW: Tired of Snacking on Smashed Up Granola Bars?

I always find other moms using something in a different way then it is meant, but still making life easier for them, and think "Wow how creative and clever!"

I walk away wishing I had thought of that myself!

Well now it is my turn!! Even my husband has been pretty proud of me!

My problem: I throw granola bars, the soft kind, into my purse or the diaper bag, for a quick snack later. Sometimes later is a matter of days, sometimes weeks even, but I like to carry some with me for that moment when I need an extra pick me up, or the kids are getting hungry as I sit in traffic. BUT no matter how recently I added them to my bag, they get smashed by the ten million other things I 'need' to carry with me as well!
My solution: While cleaning up a few weeks ago, I picked up my husbands glasses case. It is one of the hard kind that snap shut. I looked at it more closely as a light just went on inside my head! It was the perfect size for my granola bars! I can even fit two of the kid's bars inside one, so I only have to carry around one to two of the cases (the extra for my own snack). I am quite pleased now to be able to pull out a bar for the kids and not have to carefully peel the sticky goop that used to be a granola bar off of the wrapper! YAY!!

Try it and tell me what you think! Do you have any other tips or tricks for totting snacks around for the tots without them getting smashed or demolishing them into crumbs?

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family.

Rings Aren't Tasty!

Natalie and I played a game of Pretty, Pretty Princess before lunch yesterday. We went around the board slowly collecting a necklace, earrings, a bracelet, a tiara and a ring. Natalie won the game by being the first one to be wearing each piece of jewelry all at once. Then after being declared the winner, she took the tiara off, and said, "Your turn to be the princess, Mommy!" And handed it to me. What a sweet little girl I have!!

(This picture is actually from last Christmas when she got this game as a gift. We forced Daddy to play it with us, and he actually won!)

But I was still missing the ring, so I slipped the large fake jewel on my finger and showed it off to her. Pretending to admire it, I teasingly said, "Oh, your Daddy has great taste!" Of course I did not expect my 4 year old to find the humor in that, but I got a smile out of it myself. But then Natalie pipes in with, "Rings aren't for eating silly!!" Then I got a really good laugh out of it! And she was right, rings are not for eating, and in all honestly, probably taste horrible.

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I Will Meet You in Heaven Someday

Loss of any kind is difficult. It isn't something most can anticipate, and it is often hard to accept, especially when the wounds are still fresh.

Although my family picture only has 4 individuals in it, we are actually a family of 6. Two of my precious children went to meet the Lord before I even got a chance to meet them.

Jon and I had tried for about 8 months before conceiving our first child. That baby would have been due around July 10, 2005. I have tried to match a reason to my loss, but that early, there is just no way of knowing for certain. Was it the drive Jon and I made at 9 weeks, from one side of the country to the other? It was a stressful time, those days were the first I had ever been away from my home without the intention of soon returning. Still nothing happened to indicate any problems until 12 weeks, when some spotting and a panicked trip to the ER resulted in the tragic news that I would not be meeting my first baby here on this earth. What made it more difficult was the month that followed as I literally went through the birth pains as my body did what it was intended to in this situation. I wish there had been a way to know if I had a little boy or girl then. I wish I could've named them and given them a proper goodbye, but for some reason, the world doesn't hold these very young ones as actual babies, little souls once alive inside of their mommies. But I know I will meet this little one again someday in my heavenly home.
About three months later, I discovered I was pregnant with my Natalie, and a year after first feeling what birth pains were, I had my second baby in my arms.

I also want to share, I don't believe it is ever to early to share the news of a pregnancy with your friends and family. When I first discovered I was pregnant with my little one, I immediately shared our joyful news with our entire church, and much to the surprise of some, I was only 5 weeks along. I was told I should wait to tell others until I had 'made it through' the first trimester in case I lost the baby. Well I did lose that precious little one, but just as my friends rejoiced with me in the news of the pregnancy, they also were there to mourn with me the loss of my baby. If I hadn't shared, then no one would've known to pray for me. No one would've known to comfort and encourage me in my time of sadness. I have no regrets about sharing my news early.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ~Romans 12:15

It was the week of Thanksgiving, and I started it with much gladness. On a whim I bought a pregnancy test on my way into work. I wasn't really late yet, but somehow I just felt like something was different. We weren't trying, though we weren't actively trying to prevent anything. Jon and Natalie were with me. It was a Monday night, and I was working childcare while Jon went to a men's bible study group. Before I clocked in, I ran to the bathroom with my digital test- I didn't want any questions in my mind, just a 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant' reading very clearly displayed in words. After a few minutes I emerged and gave Jon the exciting news before sharing it with my boss and good friend Angela. I was overjoyed, around July 26, 2008, I would have another little baby to call my own. Despite my first miscarriage, and careful concern while first pregnant with Natalie, I thought miscarrying was behind me, but I was wrong. I spent one night sharing the good news with all my friends and family back home, only to have to place the calls again with tears barely a week later. Thanksgiving day I began spotting, and spent most of the afternoon and early evening in the ER. All the doctors could tell me, despite a pregnancy test done at the clinic the day before confirming my pregnancy, was that now all tests were coming back inconclusive as to whether I was even pregnant or not. My heart fell, and given my experience, my hope was snuffed out. Sure enough over the long weekend, it was confirmed by my own body, which I felt betrayed by, that I was losing my third child. And though I realize now that I will still meet them someday in heaven, during my time of grief, I was not comforted by it because I still did not understand why once again I had lost my baby. Because God's ways are not our ways, and we can't always understand or see what good can come of it. That's when faith comes in.
And sure enough 7 months later, when we had committed to not trying to get pregnant in anticipation of our big move to Guam, God surprised us with a wonderful gift, in the form of a 4th pregnancy, my little boy, Zachary. And though I feared another miscarriage under the stress of another military move, this time overseas, Zachary stayed right where he belonged during our travels which happened again around 9 weeks along, all the way until well past his due date.

I still don't understand God's ways in the loss I suffered. But I do realize I wouldn't have either Natalie or Zachary if God hadn't called my other babies home so early. And I hope that maybe somehow, by sharing what I have been through it might bring peace and comfort to others who have suffered this type of loss as well. It is never easy to lose a child, no matter how early. Pregnancy is a time of rejoicing in a new life about to enter this world, and no one expects to have that cut short so quickly. But if we remember to look to God, and find our comfort in Him, knowing His plans for us are bigger then our own, we can find peace in our grief.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~Jesus, Matthew 5:4

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:8-9

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Gravy Fingers

I have a double treat this week, since in one night both my husband and daughter had me in fits of laughter!

After church Sunday evening, we stopped by the Wendy's drive-thru on our journey home. At the first window, my husband hands over his card to pay. A minute later the girl in the window is still trying to swipe it but the card is just not working, so she calls her manager over. The manager is the first to notice, Jon had given his military ID (with a strip on the back to further fool the eye) as payment instead of his credit card!

Then after arriving home and playing, I mean, eating her dinner, Natalie was told to go get her pajamas on. So almost ready for bed, only task left is to go potty, Natalie comes out into the living room. We had asked her to use the potty, so before we could scold her for not doing what she is told she explains, "My fingers are gravy." Both confused by what she is saying as well as what this has to do with using the potty, it finally clicked...GREASY is what she meant. She couldn't get the door knob to the bathroom open because her fingers were greasy from her french fries!!

I can't wait to hear what funny and crazy things Zachary says someday! If he takes after his sister, he is sure to be a great source of constant entertainment!!

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Top Ten Tuesday: Homemade Christmas Gifts

This year we won't be getting our reenlistment bonus in October as we had each year since we have been married, so funds will be lower then usual. And considering we will also be travelling right before the Christmas season, we will be spending money then as well, so that we may spend some much needed time with my family. Overall, money is tight this year, so I thought it would be fun to give homemade Christmas gifts to our family and friends. Here are some of the items I am hoping to have Natalie help me create.

1. Calendar. I want to have Natalie create a beautiful hand print painting, one for each of the seasons, and then just have the one picture for 3 months before you flip it to the next. Hopefully I can find a place to get the actual pictures laminated and have it all bond together so its sturdy.
2. Apron. (Or shirt, baseball cap, tie or tote bag.) Hand-painted or draw with fabric markers, to make a personalized, wearable gift.
3. Framed artwork. I found some great ideas at Family Fun to give the simple child's artwork a little extra fun twist. Particularly the painting in the rain and painting like Georges Seurat, look fun and easy! And then I will mat and frame each piece so its ready for the wall!
4. Personalized Stationary. Using blank note cards and envelopes, I will let Natalie draw and stamp to crate designs on the front of the cards, and they will be one of a kind, truly personalized stationary.
5. Place mats. For our young family and friends, I thought a fun place mat would be a great gift. Using large construction paper and additional paper cut outs, I will have Natalie glue shapes on in fun patterns and designs, then get it all laminated.
6. Jewelry. Another great one for little girls! Natalie will love making some fun necklaces with brightly colored beads to give to her friends.
7. Throw Pillow. I don't sew, but I know how to make a knot! Using pieces of fleece, I can make blankets or throw pillows as gifts!
8. Magnets. Anything can be made into a fun magnet! You can even use clay to mold and design your own and just hot glue a magnet to the back!
9. Soap. This is especially fun to make if you throw a little toy in it, and there is a prize for the kids who regularly wash their hands! Or another idea was to use a fish cookie cutter and skewer to make little fish then string them up as your catch of the day for decoration with a purpose!
10. Christmas Ornament. Since we are talking about gifts for the holiday season, what better idea then a new handmade, homemade trinket for the tree. And this is pretty open ended. You can take the clear glass balls and fill them with almost anything for a fun look, or you can make Popsicles to make a fun frame with a cute picture inside (isn't that what Grandma really wants anyway?!). You are only limited by your own imagination, and even if you can't think of many ideas, with a computer and Internet connection the possibilities are endless with hundreds of ideas waiting to be discovered!!

And these are only 10 possible ideas, there are so many more out there!! I am excited to begin some of these projects with my daughter and figure out what to give to each person!

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Ready to Hand Over the Keys?

Jon went in late this morning due to my appointment to get our new car key cut and programed (how can that take an hour and a half??!!). So as he is getting ready for work, Natalie is sitting at the table playing a game, and she says, "Daddy, I want to take you in to work today."

So Jon asks her why, and her reply is, "Because I want the car today to go somewhere."

And I thought she wouldn't start asking to borrow the car until she at least had gotten her license!!

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In other news, I am extremely excited because my little big boy is finally walking! Over the past weeks it has been 5 steps or so, here and there. Then last week he walked about 10 ft, steadied himself with his hands on the floor before straightening back up to walk another 5 ft or so. And yesterday, as we celebrated Labor day by having some friends over for lunch, Zachary was so excited and trying to join in the big kids play, he was walking better then he ever has before! He got a lot of practice in and hopefully that will really show in the next week or 2 and will become regular! It is particularly exciting to us since he is 18 months old and has struggled with crawling and walking for a while now, so it is such a blessing to see him progress finally!!
And now he can walk in my sister's wedding as the ring bearer in November!


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Top Ten Tuesday: Rainy Day Fun

I actually love rainy days...as long as I don't need to go outside! I am mostly a 'homebody' anyway, so I prefer to be in the comforts of my own home except for the occasional itch to get out, especially if the kids are getting to rowdy for me inside! On Guam, we have 2 seasons, dry and rainy. I am not sure when the exact months outline each season, but right now and most of the end half of the year, it is wet! It makes it feel almost like fall to me if I stay inside and turn the AC down to a cool temperature and wear cozy socks on my feet. Of course as much as I would like to spend those days curled up in a blanket with a good book, the kids require other entertainment. So here is some rainy (or not so rainy) day fun:

1. Curl up with the kids and read to them. I enjoy finding a book that I can connect to some fun craft as well.

2. Bake cookies! My daughter loves to help by pouring ingredients in and mixing. And then of course her favorite part is helping to gobble them all up afterwards!! We even have an apron just for her.

3. Have an indoors picnic! I actually use an inexpensive vinyl tablecloth as a splat mat under my son's high chair, so I would just clean that off a little, lay it out in the middle of the living room and eat our lunch on the floor. I open the blinds too, so we feel like we are outside more, but we still stay dry!

4. We go to our local Aquarium, where we have a membership (so its free for us to go often)! Its called Underwater World, and most of it is this long tunnel of plexiglass, so you are actually walking through the huge tanks with all the fish, sharks, and sea turtles. I count this as a rainy day activity because we don't get wet, our parking garage at home is covered, and so it the one at Underwater World! So if I happen to have the car (one car family here), this is a good activity if we really need to get out, but don't want to drown in the downpour- seriously it can rain super hard here, but its still really warm and muggy so you don't really want to wear a raincoat to shield you, and with 2 young kids, the umbrella is hard to figure out and you only get wetter in the process!!

5. Movie time! I love movies and have a huge collection of children's and adult's movies. And we try to make it an event, with popcorn, and fruit smoothies, lights dimmed, and everyone cuddling on the couch (or in the bed, my daughter likes watching them in our room). Zachary is still too young for this though, so we save it for his nap time.

6. Creative crafts. I have a huge bin of craft materials I bought in the states for times just such as these! Some are kits, some are just random odds and ends to be really creative with. Though I am still working on just getting Zachary to figure out coloring and NOT eating the crayon!

7. Music video making. I love to sing, my daughter loves to sing, and my son...well he likes to make noise! So what could be better then pulling out any noise making toys or just pots and pans for him to bang on as Natalie and I belt out some tunes! Or sometimes we just put on some music and dance around! (Our favorites are songs by the Imagination Movers, its hard not to catch on to their fun and educational music!)

8. Build a fort. Oh how I LOVED building forts when I was a kid! I don't know a kid that doesn't like this, even Zachary gets pretty excited about it- then proceeds to accidentally pull it all down. But the beauty is, its never to difficult to rebuild, all you need are sheets or lightweight blankets, and chairs or other tall furniture and usually some weights to hold the sheet in place help too (think books or magazines, nothing breakable)!

9. Get dressed up! This one is a girl's all time favorite, but most young boys will join in for the fun as well! Zachary likes to try my shoes on and wear hats sometimes (just so he can pull them off and laugh as I put it right back on!). One day I hope to have more general neutral stuff for him too, like doctor outfit, police/fire man, train conductor, that sort of thing. For now its mostly dresses and necklaces and fairy wings for my daughter!

10. Go out in the rain...unless your children are made out of sugar and will melt (my daughter seems to think she is sometimes). Bundle up (assuming you aren't on Guam) the kids in their rain gear and let them go out and make mud pies, splash in a few puddles, and enjoy another day God has given us. The best thing about kids is that they are completely washable!! I do recommend dry warm clothes as soon as they are inside though- we don't want anyone to catch a cold after all!

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Teach Me Tuesday: A Conversation with God

God was the one teaching me something in the last week, well at least something quite specific, though He is always teaching me something...if I just remember to listen.
So as I have already said, we have cancelled our cable TV. Now let me tell you why...this is the conversation I had with God about a week ago. Imagine this as a Father sitting down to talk to His daughter about a bad habit, that's exactly how it felt in my heart.

God: Crystal, I think you should cancel your cable.

Crystal: *Sigh* That would save a little money I suppose...but maybe not quite yet, after all, some of my favorite shows are in the middle of their seasons! And its so nice to sit back and watch Food Network with Jon after a long day of chasing kids around, I would miss that too much! Maybe not.

God: Crystal, you need to cancel your cable.

Crystal: *insert whiny voice* But I don't want too! I like watching my shows, they are so good.

God: How many times do those shows distract you from getting housework done? Or going to bed at the same time as your husband? And you know when you leave the TV on for 'background noise', Natalie will end up mesmerized by it.

Crystal: Well I can just turn it off more, I will turn it off more. We don't need to actually cancel cable if I just keep it off more often, and then I can still watch my favorite shows. Yes that will work out well.

God: And haven't you tried that many times before?

Crystal: Maybe...

God: And did it work for you then?

Crystal: *whispering softly* No...but I really want to watch my shows.

God: And why are those TV shows so important to you?

Crystal: I don't know, I just like them.

God: Are they more important then Me? Would you choose those shows over Me?

Crystal: Well...no, they shouldn't be...but, but...

God: Crystal, I think you need to cancel your cable.

Crystal: Yes, God. I think you are right.

When God first convicted me, I didn't want to cancel our cable because I really wanted to be able to watch my favorite shows when they came on. But I quickly realized that at that, my strong desire to NOT let go, I NEEDED too. And though I did want to procrastinate calling, I am looking forward to using the time I would've end up sitting in front of the TV, to spend more time playing with the kids and growing closer to God.

Do You Suffer From Mommy Guilt?

Does anyone else suffer from Mommy Guilt?
It never ceases to amaze me the butterflies that disrupt my delicate stomach as I head out the door without any attachments. Just my purse, my keys, and me. Oh and of course don't forget those darn little fluttering bugs inside me!
My husband is a huge blessing to me. He is not one of those guys that for some reason thinks its the wife's job to tote the children around, regardless of a perfectly capable daddy sitting at home doing basically nothing. Note to the guys, if they are your kids its not considered babysitting for you to watch them, its just your job as the other half of the team that made them to also help with their care! So it shouldn't be necessary to get permission from you if we want to leave the house without the children occasionally. But as I already mentioned, I do NOT have one of those husbands.
My Jon is supportive of me going out for frivolous or fruitful excursions quite often. I think sometimes he even feels annoyed as I linger in the hall, reminding him one more time what to feed the kids, when they should be up from their naps, requesting if he has a chance and doesn't mind could he give the baby a quick bath. Then after stepping out the door, I turn right back around to come in and throw in the extra reminder that the diaper cream is right beside the diapers, so he should be sure to use it since the baby has a bad rash. Again I make it to the door, only to realize I actually forgot to grab my cell phone, you know just in case he has a question to ask me or if I remember something urgent to share with him, like that older sister should definitely have a glass of milk with her next meal, she needs the calcium after all.
Somehow I do eventually make it all the way down to the car and turn it on. The butterflies have turned to bowling balls by now, rolling around my insides, as I roll out of the parking lot. The heaviness usually stays with me until about half way through my outing, though I always have my phone well within reach and check it for a missed call often- though how I could miss one the way my hand hovers near it I don't know!
So why do I suffer from this 'mommy guilt' when I go out alone? Have I become so ingrained in the role of mommy that I don't know who I am without those little hands to hold? Motherhood has become so second nature to me that its like breathing, but take away my air and I begin to suffocate! My kids are like the air to me, I need them, I have given so much of myself to them, its hard to stand from all the holes inside of me when we aren't together. I feel lightheaded, the air is thin.
I know someday these feelings will change. I will grow as my children do and eventually I will have to let go. I will have to find myself again, not as a mommy, but as me.
Who was I before the kids? Someone I don't think I could ever be again, because motherhood has changed my life so drastically, but as with anything I have grown from it and I am stronger for it. But I will grow to worry less about them, to enjoy sleeping in without the internal alarm going off when I expect them up, without the constant clutter of toys or crumbs to clean from the floor. Of course by then, it will be new little hands to hold in my own worn and wrinkled hands, new crumbs to clean from the floor again as well as toys cluttering my living room.
But for now this is who I am. I am mommy, mother, mama, and mom. It's just another adventure God has set before me and I am excited for each challenge it presents, even learning to let go gradually as they grow and maybe someday the 'mommy guilt' will pass.

Like Mother, Like Daughter...So It Begins!

After pulling into church Sunday morning and unloading our little family from the car, I began to walk my daughter in the direction of her Sunday school class. Before getting to far we ran into her friend Joel who was tugging on his dad as they waited to find out if this was the Sunday for class promotions.
Natalie was excited to see Joel, it seems the week she has been feeling deprived of social interaction.

Walking up and standing in front of Joel, Natalie held the sides of her skirt in her hands and swinging just a little from side to side, she says "So Joel, how do I look?"

It was just priceless! Especially as it reminded me of the way I ask Jon each Sunday morning what he thinks of any outfits I have put together, no matter how often in the past I have worn it. She certainly is taking after mommy!!

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Hold the Flavor Please!

I just must share my daughter's most recent 'Kid's say the darnedest things' moment.

This is actually a picture of her from the Fourth of July, but you get the idea, the girl loves her corn on the cob!!

Jon had decided to grill our corn on the cob for dinner. Natalie is a huge fan of corn on the cob, so though she wasn't sharing in our grilled steaks I had made sure to get her some corn to share with us. As Jon brings in the slightly charred cobs of sunny deliciousness, Natalie scrunches up her nose in disgust and says "Can you take the brown off mine?"
Jon and I chuckle a little and he replies, "That's called flavor! It's what makes it good!"
After a few moments of deep thought, Natalie looks up again at Jon and asks very sweetly and innocently, "Can you take the flavor off mine?"
At this point Jon and I are laughing pretty heartily as Jon says "Sorry, but no kiddo!"
And Natalie refused to eat her flavorful corn that night! But I sure did enjoy mine, poor girl didn't know what she was missing out on!

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Crayon Therapy

Once upon a time I worked in childcare at our church on the East coast. I loved every minute of it! It was mostly nights, a few weekends if there was something extra special happening. I loved my coworkers and I loved the children. We did crafts, read books and colored with the kids. Before this if you had asked me to color, I would've stuck up my very mature adult nose at you and said, "Coloring is for children, I am an adult. I just don't color!" And if by chance I ever did, it wasn't with crayons, after all I am much more refined then that, I would use color pencils or markers. Of course this was all before Natalie hit the age when coloring became an art form. Now its one of her favorite pastimes. And sometimes I even join her.
Do you ever wish you could go back to being a kid again? Life seemed so much simpler, no stress and responsibilities to get in the way. I, being not a therapist but a regular patient to this form of therapy, propose that as adult when we are stressed out to the point of hair loss, deeply longing for something simple to soothe us, that we color. And not just color with anything! Oh for this therapy to truly work we must use the most essential medium available to children, the crayon. Let the crayon flow as an extension of yourself, as you concentrate on staying within the lines of any random picture in a book full of colorless pages. Use the repetitive and constant movement of your hand as a way to erase all the tension from your body and mind. Remember an easier life, filled with coloring pages, juice boxes, and cookies waiting patiently for you when you return home from school. Then be bold, post your newest masterpiece on display for all to see. The best of your work should go in a place of honor, right alongside the greatest artists of our time, our children, on the refrigerator. And as you stand back to admire your work, consider what your next project may be!
Need more therapy...give finger painting a try next!

So You Think You're Starving?

Any given day, I may be sitting on the couch reading a good book, or preparing dinner in the kitchen, when Natalie will walk over to me and announce, "I'm starving!" This is a phrase my husband has gotten into the habit of using, and since passed it on to our daughter. I don't ever remember feeling the irritation towards him for the use of that word, but now as my daughter uses it unsparingly, I find it to be quite disturbing.
It is not an uncommon part of our day to day lives to hear someone, or find ourselves, saying "I'm starving," to indicate our 'level' of hunger. We aren't simply craving a snack, we want something truly filling and hardy because we feel empty. Even in the dictionary the term 'starve' has been defined as 'to be extremely hungry' as its secondary meaning. But lets not neglect the primary meaning of the word. Starve: to weaken, waste, or die from lack of food.
In our country there are few who truly fall into that category. Most of us, certainly those with access to a computer and the internet who are able to read this, do not suffer from starvation in its truest meaning. We are not likely to die from lack of food, and in fact we probably have very little idea of how weakened we can become from no food for more then a day. I have gone a full day without one meal or even a snack. It wasn't on purpose, it was simply because other things happening that day kept me from getting to eating. Even then I was not starving. I had no lack of food, in fact it was abundantly available to me when I was ready for it. And even if my own kitchen were not conveinent, I had a number of fast food establishments and grocery stores accessible to me. So even then when I may have been slightly weakened from not eating, I could still not claim an actual lack of food.
In our own household we have made the word 'starving' a bad word. Occasionally my husband will slip up from habit, but we are making it a point to remind ourselves and our children what true starvation is. There really are many people, children and babies, who are literally starving in other countries. Starvation is a real and tragic sadness in our world today, so lets not become numb to the true meaning of starvation. Remember you are blessed to live in a country where it would indeed be difficult to find nothing to eat. As you sit down to your overly large second helping of dinner tonight, say a prayer for those who are dying somewhere in the world right now, from a lack of any food at all. And the next time you feel the pains of hunger, think twice before uttering the phrase "I'm starving!", and realize you have no idea how starvation actually feels.

The 4-year-old Trouble Maker Strikes Again!

What a crazy week topped off by an exhausting weekend!! Most of last week I was actually making decorations for a children's party I was throwing for a friend who is moving very soon.



I think handmade ones look so much better and are much more affordable then the store bought kind, though we used a mix of the two.



I made 6 butterflies and ladybugs, 30 flowers, 40 leaves, plus a 'pin the petal on the flower' with 20 extra leaves for the game. As you can see I didn't quite need to use everything, but most of it went up.



I also baked, frosted and decorated 2 9-inch cakes for the birthday girls. I am by no means a professional as you can see, but it is a hobby I enjoy, more so though when I am not feeling rushed, but the outcome is always something that makes it all worth it to me.



By the actual party, my house was quite a mess as all my time and energy went into finishing the decorations and cake, while also taking care of the kids as my husband Jon happened to be working some pretty crazy late hours last week. Saturday and Sunday I took to just relax and put my feet up amongst the usual weekend activities, such as grocery shopping and going to church. But this morning reality sunk in as I looked around my disaster of an house and realized I need to do some serious housework today. As Zachary began his morning nap I set out to begin clearing away the clutter in my living room as Natalie kept herself entertained in her room. Due to recent problems with her getting into trouble behind the closed door of her bedroom, she can no longer have it shut when she is back there to deter anything going on that shouldn't be. Apparently that was not enough! Unfortunately her bedroom is tucked away towards a different part of our home then the living room, so I don't have full view of what is going on, and as I cleaned, some very naughty little finger snuck some markers back into her room. This is what I found....



And yes that is marker on her face as well, though since its purple, from a distance it looks more like a black eye! And that is actually after she attempted to clean herself up as evidence of my bathroom hand towel.



No damage to any furniture or walls, though there is a small spot on her comforter where she set the marker without a cap. When I asked her what had happened (okay so it was pretty obvious) her response was a very innocent sounding "Somebody colored on me!" She was right, somebody sure did, but the part she somehow thought she could hide from me was that she was that somebody! An unmistakable fact considering Zachary was sleeping and I was cleaning and no one else is home! In the end she did indeed get punished (while I tried not to laugh at how she looked!) and hopefully learned a lesson though sometimes it all seems futile.
Welcome to my crazy and sometimes seriously frustrating life with a 4 year old trouble maker.