Are You More Popular than Christ?

Jesus was not very popular.

Now the men who were holding Jesus in custody were mocking Him and beating Him, and they blindfolded Him, saying, "Prophesy, who is the one who hit You?" And they were saying many other things against Him, blaspheming. ~Luke 22:63-65

He didn't take the easy road or follow the crowd.

Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?" But when Jesus heard this, He said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire compassion, and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." ~Matthew 9:10-13

And He is to be our example.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. ~Ephesians 5:1-2

We should be walking in His footsteps.

And He [Jesus] summoned the crowd with His disciples, and said to them, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." ~Mark 8:34

Not trying to be popular so the world will like us, but being set apart so the world can see a difference in us, as children of God.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. ~Romans 12:1-2

Do you look more like the world, with its popularity, doing what's easy? Or are you different, even unpopular, for NOT following the crowd?

A Clear and Familiar Voice

Lately I have been hearing God speak much more clearly to me. It has been so refreshing and I keep thinking, why haven't I heard Him this often before?

He is everywhere. He is in every little crevice of my life, encouraging me, guiding me, loving me.

Just the other day, I was feeling down. I felt like I would never have the opportunity to truly grow my friendships, that have lasted bordering the acquaintance/true friend line for over a year now, in fact almost 2 in some cases. I have often wondered why my children don't seem to get invited to many other kid's parties or gatherings. But I had to realize, I bring it on myself. I can get so caught up on whats easy, staying at home, adhering to nap times that could really be more flexible, or worrying about the kids behavior. These all are great reasons to stay home, but they are also poor excuses to never get out.

(Sometimes I do forget that though I enjoy hanging out around the house well enough, I have a 4 year old full of energy who just wants to be a kid and have fun, preferably with other kids just as silly as her!)

I am normally a planner, but I could not ignore a phone call from a friend one morning after a lonely evening the day before. She wanted to give me a ride to a play date. My number one excuse, I don't have a car, blown completely away. And as I considered her offer, my mind instantly came up with a list of other reasons I shouldn't go; my stomach had been hurting since I woke up; I haven't showered yet, nor had I quite gotten the kids fully dressed and ready for the day; Zachary would need a nap soon and surely without his nap, or sometimes even with it, he can get pretty cranky when we go out; and then my usual excuse since this is sometimes an outdoors adventure- it is way to hot on Guam, and I hate being sweaty! But I also heard God speaking to me about even this 'little' opportunity. How could I be upset and complain about not being as welcomed into circles of friendship if I turned down every chance I got to spend time with these ladies? How can I let inconveniences ruin my opportunity to grow friendships with good, Godly woman who I admire? So I said yes! And though it did feel inconvenient at times with a mildly cranky toddler, it was well worth the time to talk and enjoy watching the children play together. Natalie needed it too, it is good for her to get a little time to socialize since her best friend (and neighbor) has recently moved away.

(Remember kids are 100% washable! I had to keep reminding myself of that as the dirt clung to Zachary's every inch...its easier for me to keep in mind when they are a little bit older and have a better sense of it themselves. For example, not sticking your filthy hands into your mouth! Zachary had his first taste of actual dirt!)

And during the fellowship I received the answer to my first question, why haven't I heard God speak so clearly before? Because I am constantly growing closer to Him, and the more I do, the more loudly He speaks, and the more familiar I become to His voice. It is a wonderful feeling to constantly be able to listen to His direction and know I am following in His will as He shares it with me, whether it is something that may seem trivial, such as whether or not to go to a play date. Or something huge, like whether or not we should extend on our time on Guam. Life may not always be perfect, but if I am following in His will, I know my life will have that bigger purpose that I so long for, as well as peace, even in the storms.

How clearly does God speak to you? Only in nearness with God will you find true purpose and everlasting peace.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~Romans 8:8a

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. ~1 Corinthians 2:12-13

I Will Meet You in Heaven Someday

Loss of any kind is difficult. It isn't something most can anticipate, and it is often hard to accept, especially when the wounds are still fresh.

Although my family picture only has 4 individuals in it, we are actually a family of 6. Two of my precious children went to meet the Lord before I even got a chance to meet them.

Jon and I had tried for about 8 months before conceiving our first child. That baby would have been due around July 10, 2005. I have tried to match a reason to my loss, but that early, there is just no way of knowing for certain. Was it the drive Jon and I made at 9 weeks, from one side of the country to the other? It was a stressful time, those days were the first I had ever been away from my home without the intention of soon returning. Still nothing happened to indicate any problems until 12 weeks, when some spotting and a panicked trip to the ER resulted in the tragic news that I would not be meeting my first baby here on this earth. What made it more difficult was the month that followed as I literally went through the birth pains as my body did what it was intended to in this situation. I wish there had been a way to know if I had a little boy or girl then. I wish I could've named them and given them a proper goodbye, but for some reason, the world doesn't hold these very young ones as actual babies, little souls once alive inside of their mommies. But I know I will meet this little one again someday in my heavenly home.
About three months later, I discovered I was pregnant with my Natalie, and a year after first feeling what birth pains were, I had my second baby in my arms.

I also want to share, I don't believe it is ever to early to share the news of a pregnancy with your friends and family. When I first discovered I was pregnant with my little one, I immediately shared our joyful news with our entire church, and much to the surprise of some, I was only 5 weeks along. I was told I should wait to tell others until I had 'made it through' the first trimester in case I lost the baby. Well I did lose that precious little one, but just as my friends rejoiced with me in the news of the pregnancy, they also were there to mourn with me the loss of my baby. If I hadn't shared, then no one would've known to pray for me. No one would've known to comfort and encourage me in my time of sadness. I have no regrets about sharing my news early.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ~Romans 12:15

It was the week of Thanksgiving, and I started it with much gladness. On a whim I bought a pregnancy test on my way into work. I wasn't really late yet, but somehow I just felt like something was different. We weren't trying, though we weren't actively trying to prevent anything. Jon and Natalie were with me. It was a Monday night, and I was working childcare while Jon went to a men's bible study group. Before I clocked in, I ran to the bathroom with my digital test- I didn't want any questions in my mind, just a 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant' reading very clearly displayed in words. After a few minutes I emerged and gave Jon the exciting news before sharing it with my boss and good friend Angela. I was overjoyed, around July 26, 2008, I would have another little baby to call my own. Despite my first miscarriage, and careful concern while first pregnant with Natalie, I thought miscarrying was behind me, but I was wrong. I spent one night sharing the good news with all my friends and family back home, only to have to place the calls again with tears barely a week later. Thanksgiving day I began spotting, and spent most of the afternoon and early evening in the ER. All the doctors could tell me, despite a pregnancy test done at the clinic the day before confirming my pregnancy, was that now all tests were coming back inconclusive as to whether I was even pregnant or not. My heart fell, and given my experience, my hope was snuffed out. Sure enough over the long weekend, it was confirmed by my own body, which I felt betrayed by, that I was losing my third child. And though I realize now that I will still meet them someday in heaven, during my time of grief, I was not comforted by it because I still did not understand why once again I had lost my baby. Because God's ways are not our ways, and we can't always understand or see what good can come of it. That's when faith comes in.
And sure enough 7 months later, when we had committed to not trying to get pregnant in anticipation of our big move to Guam, God surprised us with a wonderful gift, in the form of a 4th pregnancy, my little boy, Zachary. And though I feared another miscarriage under the stress of another military move, this time overseas, Zachary stayed right where he belonged during our travels which happened again around 9 weeks along, all the way until well past his due date.

I still don't understand God's ways in the loss I suffered. But I do realize I wouldn't have either Natalie or Zachary if God hadn't called my other babies home so early. And I hope that maybe somehow, by sharing what I have been through it might bring peace and comfort to others who have suffered this type of loss as well. It is never easy to lose a child, no matter how early. Pregnancy is a time of rejoicing in a new life about to enter this world, and no one expects to have that cut short so quickly. But if we remember to look to God, and find our comfort in Him, knowing His plans for us are bigger then our own, we can find peace in our grief.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~Jesus, Matthew 5:4

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:8-9

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When Life Isn't Fair

Even when it is something I don't necessarily want to hear, I just love it when God so obviously is speaking to me through whatever means available.

Let me explain a little background info: My sister announced last June she was getting married. Of course I want to go, but along the way we have hit more then one bump in the road. In fact it has seemed more like a roller coaster ride then a bumpy road, trying to get my husband's leave approved (he is military, and nothing about being in the military is ever simple!). It isn't a matter of being told 'no' though, just 'wait' and then 'wait' again. We have jumped through many hoops trying to get it through, and there are many complicated reasons we have had problems, most of which were out of our hands, and to me, very unfair. Our biggest issue is time and money, it is expensive to leave the island, and we need to buy tickets in advance, as well as order me a bridesmaid dress if I will be able to get there. The whole thing has dragged out for over a month now for us, and I haven't felt any peace throughout the whole thing!

My husband feels defeated, and he just wants me to let it go and wait more, but I feel wronged. I want to call up his chain of command and say "That's NOT fair!" I want to find a way for 'justice' to be done, the kind of justice when I get my way, and the person unjustly standing in my path gets reprimanded.

And then today, I was looking through the new posts of the blogs I follow when I came across a post titled Why not just be wronged?. At first, I did not want to click on it. I didn't want to hear that I should just accept what has happened and let it go. After all my anger and frustration are justified, this just shouldn't be happening to us.

But I could not deny God His chance to speak to me through this blog. It was obvious, this was for me.

Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? ~ 1 Corinthians 6:7b

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgement as the noonday. Rest int he Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way... ~Psalm 37:5-7b

It isn't easy to accept, but sometimes we will be wronged, even as Christians. Even the world has their own way of saying it- Life isn't fair. Ultimately though God's justice will prevail, and that is what matters. I am not the judge, I am not the one who should seek punishment and reprimand for those who I feel are against me or have wronged me. Sometimes we need to just let it go, instead of having it fester in our hearts, creating an infection that can spread to other parts of our lives. If we want to be healthy in our walk with the Lord, it is important to let go and move on, even if we are being wronged. God is in control and He will work everything out for good, for His will.

As for the wedding, I hope I am able to go. But ultimately God knows best and He is in control. Even if I don't like the answer, just remembering He is the one in control, brings me peace. I was just struggling with keeping that in mind because in my heart I didn't want the answer to be no, or even wait. I wanted to be the one behind the wheel, but I am reminded once again, that God is the better driver when it comes to my life. For now I will just continue to pray that everything falls into place, and we are able to go, whatever the answer may be.

(And if you haven't already, I seriously encourage you to check out Mary DeMuth's post. Maybe you will also get something from it!)

Top Ten Tuesday: Just A Few Blogs I Enjoy

This week I thought I would share about some of the blogs that have really encouraged me these past months. So here is the list of 10 of my favorite blogs (in no particular order, and by no means all of my favorites).

1.
This blog was started by a friend of mine from church. Her name is Janna, and she also blogs at The Adventure of Motherhood. Her blog was what initially got me thinking, hey I could do that! She has been a great encouragement and inspiration to me from the start, and I am just loving her new blog Mommy's Piggy Tales, which is all about recording your youth so that someday your children and grandchildren can read about it! We are just over half way through the first 15 week session now, but there will be a new session starting in October. I encourage everyone to contact Janna and begin recording your memories in October, I am even going to do it again, which is funny because I didn't think I could make it through this first one, but it has been such a treasure to me each week!!

2. Many of the things Kristen has written about have challenged and convicted me. I want that American Dream too, but do I want it more then I want to serve the Lord? She also does a lot of fun giveaways. So stop by her blog and I encourage everyone to read specifically her post When Jesus Isn't Enough.

3. Marsha is the mommy behind this blog and she is a true treasure. It is hard not to feel like God is against you when you lose a child, but she has pulled through and found comfort in the Lord in the midst of terrible tragedy. It is an encouragement to me to know God can get us all through any trial as long as we look to Him, He will never forget us, but always love and comfort us.

4. Everyday Adventures. This is a blog I have only been reading a very short time and already I feel refreshed by the topics Charissa shares on. She reminds me of things I need to keep on top of in my walk with the Lord. Her words seem so on point with how I often feel myself!!

5.

I love the title of Kathryn's blog! So witty and so true! As Christians we should be 'singing in the rain', we should be joyful even in times of trial, and Kathryn's writing wonderfully reflects the title of her blog. And as another military wife, it is good to be able to share and encourage one another, as not everyone can understand the struggles that are unique to military life.

6.
This is another new blog for me, but what a wonderful idea, and so far I am enjoying what I read. Kathryn of Singing through the Rain also does one of the bible studies on this blog. Basically they have 5 different bloggers who each are going through a bible study one day a week! I encourage everyone to go check it out!

7. Of Such is The Kingdom. This blog just celebrated it's 1st birthday! It has been a joy to read about Olivia's childhood, and also her child's, as we have shared with each other and other women on Mommy's Piggy Tales.

8. Ordinary Inspirations Traci has wonderful insights and wise words on so many different topics! It has been a pleasure and inspiration to read about her views and God's truths as she presents them, as well as her many informative posts and reviews of products. One post I found particularly good was about change, something I myself do NOT like, but her words are very true, we should not be like gross stagnant water!


9.
Cameron is another mommy blogger who is doing the Mommy's Piggy Tales with me! She has some great views on many topics as a mother and awesome tips for new bloggers!
And she is also very respectful of others views and choices, especially in caring for your child, check out her post Let's Hear it for the Parents Who FEED their Babies!!

10.
I have been trying out a few of SnoWhite's recipes, and so far so good!! I am constantly looking for quick and easy, but yummy meals to make for our family. One of our recent favorites from SnoWhite's many wonderful recipes- Ham & Broccoli Shells- which just also happens to remind me a whole lot of a pasta dish my mom and grandma used to make with ham, broccoli and spaghetti noodles! We have had this once a week now for going on our 3rd week!!

This post is linked to which is hosted by ohamanda, another great blog I might add!

Thankful Thursday: God's Word

I woke up this morning with a cloud over my head. And after a series of disappointing factors my cloud grew a dark gray and began to rumble with the sounds of an wet and horrible storm in the making for me. The cloud continued to build as I cleaned and tidied up our home preparing for the physical therapist to come and work with my son and I. And then the phone rang, it was the therapist, who I hoped was confirming the usual time he had been coming at one. One is the perfect time for it, after Z has had his nap and had lunch. He is happiest at this time of day. But unfortunately and unsurprisingly after how the day had already been going, he was calling to offer other times he may come today, neither was doable for Z, so he had to cancel for this week. More discouraging news on top of an already negative morning.
So you can see I am naturally not feeling very thankful this Thursday morning. But despite this day, I know I am blessed immensely more then I could ever deserve with family, friends, and a God who cares for someone as sinful as me, enough even to die to cover that sin.
Today I am thankful for my Bible, God's words to me for good times and bad. I know I can draw encouragement from within its pages, especially on days like today. As Satan is trying to drag me down, I don't have to search very hard to find scriptures from God in my Bible, as He lifts me back up.

Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. ~Psalm 61:1-4

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39

What are you thankful for today?

From Victim to Victor

Continued from A Victim's Story....

As the years passed I felt more and more embarrassed to share what had happened with the one person who truly mattered, my mom. I felt the baggage of shame build with each year that passed in my silence. I never thought she wouldn't believe me, I never thought she wouldn't try to protect me or comfort me. I knew she would listen, I knew she would help, but I was so ashamed, not of the actual molestation but of being silent about it when it involved my sisters safety. And I was afraid of my mom feeling hurt and betrayed by me, I feared she may blame herself somehow for me not saying anything sooner. And as I entered my adult years, and my sisters grew up as well, I thought more and more that had anything happened they were old enough now to prevent it or report it. It never occurred to me that at the same age, I, myself, had been unable to share it with anyone who really needed to know.
At 21, while pregnant with my own daughter, I got a call from my mom. She apparently had been told by my aunt that she should talk to me after one of my sister Nicole's friends and said she was uncomfortable accompanying Nicole somewhere with her dad- my stepfather. This friend had told her own father that my stepfather had said some inappropriate things that made her feel uncomfortable the last time she had gone with Nicole. Her father told my mom, who was talking about it with my aunt. I still have no idea how my aunt came to have knowledge of it. My mom asked me if my stepfather had ever touched me, and I told her he had. She didn't want details, she just wanted to know. I didn't know what else to say. I tried explaining why I hadn't told her, I gave her all the excuses I had come up with over the years but none were solid enough to stand in my mind. Since then it hasn't come up much, and its like it never happened sometimes. My mom still let my sister visit after talking to them about everything and cautioning them, and she limited their visits to only during the day, no overnights. Though eventually they stopped seeing him at all, he worked as a trucker by then, was rarely home and was drunk when he was around. Over the years he has gone in and out of rehab, even claimed he was a Mormon for a short time.
Now down to how I feel almost 16 years after that night. It is still a memory not far from my thoughts, especially when I hear about what others have gone through. I don't think of it as a positive or a negative experience. I just think of it as a trial that has helped build my character for the better. I actually still think back on my childhood as relatively normal and happy enough, though I will always want to make my own children's time before adulthood happier and even more fulfilling then my own, and I believe it will be for them.
I have forgiven my stepfather for what he did, and I actually have come to feel sympathy for him and what his life has become. Sometimes I pray for him. God has brought me peace about it, and He has taught me much from it. I know that my scars are beautiful to God, and He intends to somehow use each one for His own purpose, one I may never know or understand for a long time. I have no regrets anymore, there is nothing I can change, and I don't know that I would. I have met and heard many people's testimonies since then, and I have even thought myself lucky and blessed that it wasn't worse. But truly it doesn't matter how bad I had it, or how rough someone else's experience may be. What is most important is forgiveness, because it will bring your spirit peace, and embracing what God may do with your life as it is, because then you will have joy also. God gives us all trials in life, and if we let them they will make us stronger as we persevere through them taking refuge in Him. I now wish only to use this experience in my life to help others and glorify God.

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will recieve the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. ~James 1:12

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. ~Ephesians 4:31-32

Trying Something New

As part of our celebration for this Independence Day, our church did a big picnic, with carnival games and activities. It was so much fun. I was listening to them announce they were hoping to get a woman to join the watermelon eating contest Jon was already a part of. The thought ran through my head- sounds like fun, but I would be so embarrassed! I would make a mess and no way could I compete against the men! But as the time drew near I realized I really wanted to try. It was something new to me, and I could compete against Jon- the only one in my mind I really wanted to beat. So I just did it! I shed the fear of embarrassment, of getting too messy and just my general self-consciousness and decided I wanted to live life and have fun no matter what that means, even if it's a mess all over my face in front of people!
I usually prefer to go the safer route. Do whats familiar and avoid trying new things. In our time here on Guam though, I really feel like I am beginning to overcome that crutch that once held me back. I feel so much more alive here somehow. I want to get out and go snorkeling (which I have done), I want to take scuba diving lessons (which we still hope to do), as well as windsurfing lessons (again, its on my list!) and Jon and I hope to go para sailing before the end of the year. Growing up though I never had these desires. They looked good from far away but fear of the unknown held me back.
I think there is just something about being on a tropical island and having all these new things to do and try right within my grasp that is making me want to shout "YES!" Instead of sitting back while Jon has all the fun! I am learning so much here, about God, and about myself! No wonder I am happy about extending and having just a little more time to experience this adventurous chapter of our life.
It's also about wanting Natalie & Zachary to be brave and daring and willing to try new things. I don't want them to feel scared of life as they grow. I want them to grow to love God and love the life He has given them. I want them to experience life and not hold back. Dive in head first with all their hearts! And that I believe will make their lives unforgettable and 'unregrettable'!

*Note to self: Eating contests are much harder then they look! But if you are going head first into one, watermelon eating is a good first timers contest!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!

A Rainbow To Remember On

I saw a rainbow driving home from the store last night, and it lifted my heart. Much to Natalie's delight we see rainbows all the time on Guam. With the temperamental weather ranging from raining down cats and dogs one moment, to the sun shining bright as can be through the parting clouds the next, it is no surprise to me to see rainbows streaking across the sky almost daily. Even now though, I still feel such a thrill when I find them, no matter how everyday they may have become for us here. And to my delight, the joy on Natalie's face when she does spot one is always as if its the first time. Rainbows are a beautiful symbol of God's promises to us. And I am reminded at that and encouraged constantly by the sight of them.
The rainbows remind me of all that I have in the security I find only in Christ. The Lord gives us so many promises throughout the Bible, from the time of the well loved story of Noah's Arc in Genesis when the Lord first made rainbows a symbol of His promise...

"It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the [rain]bow will be seen in the cloud, and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh." ~Genesis 9:14-15

...to the promise of providing for our daily needs...

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:19

...to the promise of security and protection in the Lord...

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. ~Psalm 46:1-3

...to the ultimate promise of redemption through the blood of Jesus Christ.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. ~Romans 5:8-9

A Mommy in the Making

Since adding a new baby to our family 15 months ago, I am discovering that I am raising a mommy in the making! I, myself, had 3 younger sisters and lived most of my life with my mother and grandmother. Talk about a house full of estrogen!! Due to this environment I have very little experience with young boys. So I have no idea how my son will react to having a new baby again, as I hope to in a few more years, but I truly enjoy watching Natalie's natural nuturing nature present itself more and more.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. For Natalie's 2nd Christmas, Santa brought her the mother load of doll clothes, accessories and even a new doll to add to her growing collection. And over the years I have continued to contribute to it myself regularly. Can a little girl ever really have too many dollies? It is nearly impossible for me to resist buying Natalie the new Mommy & Me dolls, each in a different adorable outfit- a doll ready for the rain, or one on her way to the beach, then yet another preparing to be tucked into bed. I think there must be a special gene God has embedded in the hearts of little and big girls. Most of us long for the joys of motherhood from the time we can walk, all the way to the real deal as our first child is born! Over time, I have had the privilege to witness Natalie care for her naked baby dolls, as well as her perfectly dressed stuffed animals. She carefully tucks them into bed in the doll cradle. Or when they 'cry'- and one actually does much to my regret- she rushes to soothe them, offering a bottle or pacifier, and if that doesn't work she just whips up some of her delicious potato, shoe and sock stew. Natalie enjoys pretending to be a mommy.
Since Zachary has come into our lives I have watched as Natalie now mothers not only her dolls, but also her baby brother. She rushes to get me a diaper from his room when I run out in the living room. She brings him toys. In fact one of the very first days after he arrived in his new home, while I sat changing his diaper on the floor, Natalie brought an offering of small toys and placed them in a pile beside Zachary. She rejoices in his triumphs right beside me. And she helps him up when he falls. She is quick to let me know if he is doing something dangerous- as well as other things not so dangerous. And just minutes ago, as Natalie helped me out by giving Zachary his bowl of scrambled eggs for dinner, I watched her carefully blow onto the eggs, then feel with her fingers to check that they would not be scorching Zachary's tongue tonight, then again blow more on them to ensure cool eggs, before finally placing the bowl onto his high chair. And that's when it really hit me...Natalie truly is a mommy in the making!

All in His Time

I am pretty sure I am not alone when I ponder this: why is it that inspiration seems to always strike when my head has found that comfortable spot on my pillow as my day comes to a close! I truly believe my 'creative juices' are like those babies who seem to have their days and nights all mixed up. Sometimes I get that itch to write about something during the day, but more often then not, whether its writing a blog, or brainstorming for more birthday party ideas for the kids next bash, it always hits me as I crawl into my nice cozy bed, beside my sweet husband who hates going to sleep without me there, which lately seems to be quite often!
I wish, oh how I wish, my mind had an off switch! I would definitely be a more rested mommy if that were the case. But alas, that is one thing God did not install when He created me, just as He intended.
I think we often don't like God's timing, we say no, not now, wait until next week, my calendar is completely clear...next week. Then of course something comes up and soon it becomes next month, next year, after the kids graduate and leave the nest, then I will be totally free and clear! Of course who knows if you will be around then? By then God will have found someone else who is eager to serve Him immediately!
Even now, I think, "Oh Lord, I have so much going on right now, Jon has duty the next 2 weekends, I have to reschedule Zachary's party- remember that Lord, because he got sick on his birthday of all days- yeah, and then, then I still need to get ready for my mom's big visit next month, I need to clean and prepare everything, yep LOTS to do Lord, so right after my mom leaves I will start that new ministry idea you whispered in my ear, as soon as she leaves, well at least by the end of that month because then I have a party thing to host the weekend after she goes..." and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, all those things are important to me, but NOTHING should come before the Lord, and what He has for me to do! Whether it is to get back up out of bed and post a blog about something He has burdened my heart with or a new ministry He has given me to use for Him, I need to do it in His timing not my own. And as Pastor Schettler shared about Thursday night in his message, this includes prayer. If God lays something on your heart to pray about, you need to stop what you are doing and pray! If we don't, then we forget, or get caught up in something else, we procrastinate- one of my biggest weaknesses, and Satan definitely knows it, and will use it if I let him!
We don't know when we will die. We don't know when anyone will die, even the unsaved neighbor we keep meaning to try and witness too. We don't know what seeds a blog we post might plant, or why God wants us to pray for someone out of the blue, but we know if we don't listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance we might not have the chance to play the role God wants us too in someone coming to Christ. He wants to use us, and instead of fiting it into our schedule, we need to fit our lives into His, because His schedule has no flaws, no missed appointments, no cancellations. His schedule, His timing is perfect. Everything happens all in His time.

"Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

"I hastened and did not delay to keep Your commandments." Psalm 119:60

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." Proverbs 27:1

"And He [Jesus] said to another, 'Follow Me.' But he said, 'Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father.' But He said to him, 'Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God.' Another also said, 'I will follow You, Lord; but first permit me to say goodbye to those at home.' But Jesus said to him, 'No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." Luke 9:59-62

"Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming." Matthew 24:42

Overflowing with Joy to Share

I don't know about most of you, but after only attending 2 of the 5 evening services during the Missions Conference at Harvest Baptist Church (and also the Sunday morning service of course!), I feel very convicted about certain areas.
For those who aren't sharing this little island with me, our church does a Missions Conference around this time every year. This year a Pastor from Santa Maria, CA came with a group of seniors from their church. While the seniors worked with the children, Pastor Schettler gave some amazing messages! Now, I will be honest, it took me a while to come around to the messages, because while I recognized instantly the truth in them, I was just so overwhelmed, and at first, thrown off on the presentation. I have never had a Pastor, or heard a Pastor, with so much enthusiasm! I mean he was all over the stage, and at points was yelling at us because his excitement for his messages seemed to just boil over inside of him. He had no choice but to let it flow out! Not being used to that, I didn't appreciate it at first, I tend to like what I am used to and not care for change or being out of the ordinary patterns, but I now wish I could have gone to all the services (which wasn't for lack of trying, sickness & Jon coming home late from work is what kept us away).
After a week of stewing over somethings, particularly from Sunday morning's service, I admire his confidence and excitement for the messages he shared with us. And I hope people can look at me, and see the same joy overflowing in my life, because we are not meant to keep it all inside. We need to let Jesus' love and light shine through us! And we need to be excited about it!!
On Sunday morning, he shared with our congregation 3 keys to moving stones out of the way so that we are able to minister to the lost world we live in. The first was that we need to get creative! This reminded me of something else I recently learned. During our ladies night for missions last week, we broke into prayer groups who each had a particular missionary that our church supports to pray for. My group prayed for the Childs family in Australia. Apparently in Australia, at least the part they are ministering in, there is a high concentration of cults, specifically Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. And part of our prayer for them was that they may be creative in how they reach the people there, because the traditional methods of going door to door wouldn't be an option because they would want to stand apart from the cults, those 2 in particular, which do tend to do a lot of knocking on doors. And my thought was, boy am I glad I am not them and thats not my job! Because I could never come up with a very creative way to minister to anyone. But after Sunday morning, I realized, though I am not in Australia, nor do I feel called to be a missionary abroad, but I still need to be reaching out, and I still need to be creative about how I approach it. And that is what has gotten me on the path for a new ministry opportunity that with the Lord's guidance I am developing through my love of baking, and sharing those treats with others!
The next key part of moving stones away is confidence. Confidence that when we pray, God will act. Not praying out of obligation, half-heartedly hoping, just maybe God will answer this prayer request if He really wants too. NO!! Pray expecting, knowing, and believing God CAN and God WILL act on our prayers. We may not always get the answer we want, but if we actually have confidence that our prayers will be answered, we could see our friends and family come to know the Lord!! Instead of thinking maybe God will hear, KNOW God will hear your prayers because He ALWAYS does. I know this is definitely an area I need to really concentrate on improving. I need to have faith and confidence that God will answer my prayers; instead of 'just hoping' and praying with a question mark at the end of my prayer when it should be an exclamation point!
And the last part of moving stones and other obstacles out of the way to reach lost souls is to have compassion. As for me, I think my compassion is there...sometimes, when its convenient for me. I can really struggle sometimes with finding little things to irritate me, and then later learning I misjudged. Instead I should always seek to be compassionate and caring to everyone, instead of finding a negative in any given situation. For example, standing in line at the post office to get a package the other day, a woman with a small girl came over and got into this gap in the line. Instantly I was irritated and upset, it was a long line, I had been standing in it for a few minutes but was already getting bored and tired. I thought how dare she just cut her way in, but then I heard her thank the man behind her, and as I observed further I realized she had already been in that spot in the line but had been letting her little girl wander a little, and in her wandering she had gone out of sight. So the woman had been only coming back to her original spot in line, that the man behind her was kind enough to hold, while she retrieved her child. I felt awful! Though this all only happened in my own mind and was not shared with the rest of the crowd, I know God saw how ugly my heart had been, instead of showing compassion to everyone no matter what circumstances were going on. And I realize, even if she had been 'cutting' in line, I was still wrong for not having a loving heart, a compassionate heart toward her. If I want Jesus to use me, then I need to remember to always, regardless of circumstance, be kind, caring, loving and compassionate, in my heart, mind and actions.
All that said, I have a LOT to work on and pray about!! And that was all in ONE message!! But all of us can always improve, no matter where we are in our lives and our walk with the Lord. He never wants us to stand still and just be content to go no further, He wants us bubbling over with joy for Him like Pastor Schettler is! He wants it to pour out of us everywhere we go and in everything we do. And I hope I have done Pastor Schettler some justice in passing on his message. I did the best I could from memory because I did not take notes that day (shame on me!).

"Being unable to get to Him [Jesus] because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying." Mark 2:4 (Creativity)

"Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have recieved them, and they will be granted you." Mark 11:24 (Confidence)

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12 (Compassion)

You just can't reason with a wasp!

Before church a few weeks ago, as Jon and I got the kids into the car, this wasp came out of nowhere and got right in my face. Jon laughed as I shrieked and danced around trying to avoid it though it seemed bent on getting to me! I am absolutely terrified of anything with a stinger! I escaped into the drivers side door, since that was the closest open one, as I announced to Jon, "I guess I am driving today!" Jon was still chuckling to himself about my little panic attack and dance to get away from this tiny insect when he got into the car, and only laughed at me harder when I said, "That will teach me for wearing such a bright yellow shirt!". He explained to me, still humored by my ignorance, that wasps are territorial and they aren't attracted to bright colors as bees may be. Then we left for church and moved on with our day, though I still can't help but hurry to get in the car ever since for fear that wasp may come and find me again someday!
Now sometimes in my mind I can go off on crazy thought spirals, for some of the silliest things. And I often sit back and marvel at this wonderful, intricate and crazy world that God made, and all the creatures He put in it. So after my experience dealing with the wasp and having Jon explain to me that it is territorial, my thought process started getting out of hand again. I thought, Well so are we as humans, and we were here first, so the wasp needs to be the one to go! Doesn't she know that she's the one who built her nest on a human built structure??!! Now I am not crazy, and I didn't seriously expect the wasp to realize this and leave me alone for good, but it soon had me marveling at God's plan and creation.
As humans, we are the ONLY creatures capable of truly reasoning with our thoughts. Now some people may argue that dogs or chimps can, but truly their skills don't go beyond learned habits and instincts. Dogs just know after so long, if they sit when we say that word, they may get a treat. Dogs don't go on to think about if they really want one, or if they should save it for later because lunch time is approaching, or maybe not have it at all because they are watching their figure. God didn't give them the ability to think logically like we do, if He had, maybe they would've learned to only chase the mailman at the beginning of the month when the bills start pouring in! You just can't reason with dogs, wasps, or any other creature on this planet!
I don't know about you, but I find it so amazing to think God made us so unique among all His wonderous creations. I don't want to even venture a guess as to how many other species share this earth with us, but we alone have the ability to love and praise the Lord. We alone have the ability to even begin to fathom His work and His wonder. We alone have the opportunity to one day join Him in heaven. What an amazing God, and what an amazing world He has made for us!
And though I may not be able to reason with the occassional wasp who tries to defend herself and her home from me, I can appreciate the fact that at least I can truly understand this world, and know that God made every bit of it for a reason, even that tiny little wasp.

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth"...God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. Genesis 1:27-28 & 31

Why Worry?

As I go about my house, tidying up some before my husband gets home, in a rush of panic Natalie hurries to my side. "Mommy, Mommy, the temperature is not on!!"- translated from 4 year old speak that means something along the lines of, "Mommy, Mommy, the thermostat's light turned off!!", at least I think thats what had her concerned! I assume that because I had just been over to it and adjusted the temperature in the room, which turns the backlight on for a few seconds as I change it. And not for the first time by any means I assure Natalie she doesn't need to worry about anything because Mommy is in control of the situation. And off to her room she goes, her world at peace again. In my own world a light bulb had been turned on.
I never cease to be amazed at the things parenthood has taught me about my own relationship with the Lord. If you really know me well, you should know I am a worrier! I worry about everything, I daydream out a number of assorted scenarios in which things could go wrong for any little action that I might take or any illness or ailment that may befall me or any of my family. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of my life and I shouldn't worry. But that worry bug still pokes its ugly head up every time one of the kids gets a fever, or Jon is even 10 minutes late getting home from work. But now as I sit here, I have been given a glimpse of what God is thinking every time I let worry wreck havoc in my heart.
As I assured Natalie in her panic that everything was fine because I would take care of her, as I have often reminded her of in the past in similiar situations, I realized that is exactly what God is constantly trying to get through to me! Luckily He has much more patience then I do!! I can get so exasperated sometimes by Natalie's constant concerns and worries over the tiniest things, and I think to myself, Doesn't she know by now that I will take care of her?!! That I would do everything in my own power to keep her safe and healthy and cared for? What an eye opener to think that is the same thing God is looking down on us and thinking about us! Shouldn't we know God will take care of us? He has blessed and enriched my life in so many ways when I have let Him take control, even in the trials He has only ever held me closer when I cried out to Him. And if I think to myself Natalie should feel safe because I would do everything in my power to keep her safe, then I should not fear anything, because God says the same thing to me!! God, who is ALL powerful, has been telling me for a long time that exact thought. Crystal, I am the ALL powerful God who created you, and everything around you. Everything you have, is because of Me. All the blessing in your life come from Me. I will always take care of you, you have NOTHING to worry about with Me in control of your life!!
How amazing to have the all powerful God in control of my life! What could I possibly have to worry about if I truly trust in Him?

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they donot toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!....But seek first His kingdon and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6: 25-30, 33-34

Discouragement: A Weapon of the Enemy

You know the feeling. Nothing seems like it will, or even could, go your way. You wonder why you should even bother. Someone is whispering in your ear, reminding you of all the reasons you should quit. You aren't good enough, you don't know enough, no one wants to hear what you have to say. They will laugh at you, they will stare at you, they will stop talking to you and instead gossip about you when you leave the room. Then as this whisper grows louder, almost into a shout, your self confidence shrinks and your fear builds. You can't do this, it must be a mistake. God couldn't possibly have wanted me for this. If God really wants me for this than someone will approach me, I don't need to step out on my own.

But sometimes we all need not to just step out, but leap out on faith!

I need to be reminded of this often myself. I fall into my emotions so easily. Satan uses those opportunites to his best advantage. Preying on me at my lowest point. I don't get a reply as soon as I expected, or things don't go exactly as I hoped and I start wondering what I did wrong, if I am good enough, if I made a mistake thinking God could use me, or even more crazy- did God make a mistake Himself in laying something on my heart, in giving me a mission for Him?

I know, crazy right? God doesn't make mistakes, not once in His infinite existence. So what would make me think He is going to start now? No, God knows what He is doing, and He knows what we are capable of, though it may not be easy or comfortable for us.

Personally, I have been struggling with a lot of discouragement lately. Part of it is getting caught up in all the 'what if's and fear that comes with doing something new. I try to keep in mind why I am feeling discouraged though. Why is Satan taking this opportunity to fill my mind with self doubt? Could it possibly be to prevent me from my mission because of the good it could do? What a positive thought! If Satan is trying so hard to keep me down, I should want to go forward and make that leap even more! There is no better way to beat the enemy than by doing as God wants me to.

So when you are feeling discouraged, like you couldn't possibly make a difference or matter that much for God to use you; remember Satan obviously thinks you will matter or why else would he be kicking you while you are already down! Often if the task seems too easy with no obstacles, that is when we should be reevaluating our direction. Praying for God to show us His path, and not taking our own. If Satan isn't attacking and throwing down obstacles in the way, it may be because he doesn't see us as a threat!

I say bring on the hardships! Its when I learn the most and can truly know I am on the road less traveled. After all, the road less traveled, the narrow path, is bound to have more bumps and branches in the way verses the common, easy path.

...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy
that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and was set down
at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such
hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in
your souls. ~ Hebrews 12:2-3

The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be
safe. ~Proverbs 29:25

Leading by Example

I let myself get more irritated every time I give Natalie a peanut butter or tuna sandwich. Why you may ask? Well she has developed a habit I never gave a second thought to until recently. Anytime she eats a sandwich she completely deconstructs it; right down to scraping off any condiment on the bread with her fingers. This of course makes a HUGE mess for me to clean up, and if you know me you know I loathe cleaning.

Natalie wanting to be just like mommy as she shops!

Last week though I had had enough! I was tired of scrubbing all the peanut butter from between her fingers and sometimes off her clothes and anywhere else her dirty fingers wandered. I sat down to eat lunch with Natalie and I showed her how to eat a sandwich correctly. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?! She picked it up and happily ate her tuna sandwich all together instead of piece by piece! By simply reminding her to eat it properly each time since, she has followed through and continues to leave me with so much less to worry about cleaning after she has eaten! I am just still so surprised at myself for not doing this sooner. In the past I would just instruct her to not pull it apart, but by taking the time, just a few minutes, to actually show her it made all the difference.

Wonder who she picked this on up from?!

Its funny how God shows me these little connections between everyday life and what He has to teach me in the bigger picture. This same little lesson I learned last week, I was able to think about even further as I listened to Pastor Joe's sermon this past Sunday. He talked about how Jesus led by example. Out of the time the disciples spent with Jesus, the first year all they really did was watch Jesus as He went about ministering to people. Then they could see how they should minister. Of course I have always known I should strive to be like Jesus, to follow in His foot steps, but just thinking about how Natalie, and someday Zachary, will watch me and look to me to learn how they should behave and act makes it all the more important. Natalie is at that age when she is watching every move I make and listening to every word I say- though sometimes I wish she would just obey more of the words I say! When I truly sit down to think about all the ways she mimics me, all the habits she picks up from me it is very convicting. Now so far I don't think she has picked up anything too bad from me, but I need to be much more aware of my own actions and how they may appear to my children. I think about how maybe I should read my bible out in the living room instead of retreating to my bedroom every time, and at the same time I should probably read it aloud more often when the children are around. I also think about how Jon and I interact, sometimes the way we joke with each other may not seem so much like joking to a 3 year old who doesn't understand sarcasm. I think about how my attitude may be showing when I unhappily go about doing the housework, I shouldn't treat them so much as chores as I should consider them part of taking care of my family which I am happy to do. These little habits we may not even realize we are showing so much really can rub off and impact our children. I want my habits to be always joyful, positive, and above all, Godly, so that my children will mimic that those same habits someday!

I hope this encourages everyone to take a look at their own lives and maybe see some areas they need to change so that they may reflect Jesus to their children always! We need to always strive to follow in His example, just as our children will follow the example we leave them.

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the
believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 1
Timothy 4:12 (NKJV)

And these words which I command you today shall be in your
heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them
when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and
when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:18 (NKJV)

Sharing Our Scars

I recently read a book called Your Scars Are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes. It is through this book that God brought me immeasurable peace about all the bumps on my own journey. There have been quite a few, and sometimes it is easy to feel like you are alone in your suffering. It's easy to listen to that whisper in your ear from the enemy that you are the only one who knows this pain and make you feel embarrassed and ashamed of it. Sometimes I even wish I could hide my own scars from God, but that's impossible! And that's not why He allowed these experiences to happen.
Now I don't believe my God would ever cause horrible crimes to be committed, but I do believe God allows Satan to tempt us or throw us in the path of someone else he is tempting. But God knows our strengths and our weakness. He knows how much we can handle, and God wants us to turn to Him in our moments of pain and suffering. Just as in Job; God allowed Job to be tested by Satan but God had the power to stop it when He chose. And remember in the end , after losing everything Job still trusted and took comfort in the Lord? Then he was blessed above and beyond what he had lost!
I want to be like Job. Not that I want to lose everything I hold near and dear. I cherish my family and it would break my heart to lose them; though I like to think I would be strong and still take comfort in the Lord, trusting in Him to see me through. But I have my trials, much less then the loss of my family, that I have been very angry with God. Not that I completely lost my faith in Him, just that I couldn't wrap my mind around the 'why'. I was angry with God just as a child gets angry with his parents. And as a parent, I hate to see my children upset with me, it breaks my heart, but what I do is in love because I want only whats best for them. And it is the same way with God. I don't always understand why but I need to learn to constantly trust in my Heavenly Father. He only wants what is best for me.
With that said, I want to trust in the Lord that He will give me the strength to share my scars. I don't understand them all completely, but I know I want them to honor God. I believe by being open and honest; by taking off my mask, that I can also help others begin to take their own masks off. Our scars should not only be beautiful to God, but to each other as fellow believers. We make connections to one another through similar interests, hobbies, and just about anything we may have in common; but I think we tend to overlook the connections we can make through our past pain and grief. I think, especially as women, we hide these scars away ashamed of them. Just think of all the encouragement we could give to one another and all the new bonds we could form through the sharing of our scars! I know I find it so very comforting to hear about someone else who has gone through the same thing as I have because I can know they truly understand everything I am feeling as well as knowing I am not alone! Logically I realize I could not possibly be the only one to have been through any number of my scars, but emotionally I still feel alone until I am able to connect with someone who fully understands. Suddenly I find peace in knowing I am not alone, others understand and have been through it before me and came out victorious in Christ! And then I can hope to someday be that friend to someone else who is hurting and share with them my own scar so that maybe they will find the same peace in not feeling alone anymore! Through truly none of us are ever alone when we know the Lord. And praise God, He can make goodness come from anything!
I pray that you may always remember that and maybe someday you will be able to take your own mask off, share you scars and reap the blessings the Lord will bestow!

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is
faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but
with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to
bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV)

And we know that
all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the
called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NKJV)